Types of people you see at the Pool Hall

[Island Drive]

Have seen this applied to different aspects of life, thought it would be funny to see it related to pool. Ill start it off:

Scarface

No, its not the Miami drug kingpin, its the guy/group of guys who use way too much hand chalk. Its bad enough the entire table is covered in a white powdery residue, but they must also put it all over BOTH hands, their lower shirt and pants, the balls, and lastly the small mound they pour on the cocktail table (just in case they need a little something extra during a game)


Please add the colorful people we always see on a busy night at the pool hall.

When ever I hear someone talk about the powder/chalk Everywhere I think of Only two players, Boston Shorty, and Ismael Paez, tho Paez had shorty beat, Morrow had talcum power EVERYWHERE....intentionally, Short one was waaaaaaaaaaay more discrete, Yeah right.

 

[cuesblues]

Barroom Hero - The guy that shoots at the same bar night after night. His buddies tell him how good he is, then gets enough balls to step into a pool room.
Realizes he is in over his head, then starts telling stories about how he played the best shooters around for $100 a ball.

Convinced straight 8 is the ONLY game.

Playing safe is for pussies.

Shoots for exactly 1 hour.

Never comes back.

My favorite Pool Room Guy post so far, and the reason that I hate playing in bars

 

[inside_english]

If there's one place where a cross-section of humanity can be found it's the local pool room. Lovers, muggers, and thieves. Poets, priests, and beatniks. All kinds of people hang out there..
One night, a friend of mine and I were watching a couple of guys play One Pocket, when through the front door walked the fattest woman I had ever seen in my life. She was at least six feet tall and at least that much wide. Had she been wearing a suit of armor she would have looked like a ball bearing. On top of that she sported a beard.
While I stared in rapt amazement, I heard a small voice next to me say. "I think I'm in love."
In a flash he crossed the room and introduced himself. I could see she was impressed by his bravado because she took a seat, well, two seats actually, at a nearby table where they ordered drinks. I lost track of them after that, and didn't see my friend until few days later when I asked him about his new found love.
"She's the greatest." He said. "And, did you know she's an actress?"
"Really." I said. "Movies? The theater? TV commercials?"
"None of those." He replied. "She works in the circus."
"No kidding?" I said, stifling a chuckle. "What does she do there."
"She's the bearded fat lady." He said, proudly. "But, when she's not doing that, she gives enemas to the elephant."
"They only have one elephant?" I asked.
"Yeah." He responded. "It's a small circus."
I thought for a moment then asked. "Just how,exactly, do give an elephant an enema, anyway?"
Well, according to her, said my friend, you stick a garden hose up the elephant's ass. Turn the water on full blast. And, when he shits down your arm you're through.
"So are you going to continue the relationship?" I asked, trying as hard as I could to keep a straight face.
"No, I don't think so." He said, kicking a stone with the toe if his shoe. "I told her that if she would elope with me she would never have to give an elephant another enema again."
"What did she say to that?" I asked.
He looked away and replied. "And what? Give up show business?" :smile:

That has to be one of the funniest stories I have EVER read!

 

[measureman]

The Lucasi Guy


The guy who bought his playing cue at the electronics store...:smile:

hey it came with a free i-pod.

 

[inside_english]

The Odd Couple
Saw these guys just today. Old guys, who have clearly been friends for decades... they grump and huff and fart their way around the pool table, playing each other in 1 pocket or straight pool. They don't play anyone else. They'll tell you it's for 100 bucks a game, but you just know they're just running a tab with each other. It's fun to listen to them talk trash, old-timer style.

The Wannabe
Talks about how he's gonna go play somewhere else and make some scores, but you can't recall ever seeing him gamble more than 5 dollars. Drops lots of names of local pro and semipro players. He's the APA 4 with a Black Boar... except it's at his dad's house, or he sold it, or it got stolen. He's on the AZ forums, reading this post and thinking "haha, I'm glad I'm not one of THOSE guys."

The Groupie
She shoots ok, for a girl. Acts like one of the boys, says stuff like "that guy's a fish, I gave him the wild 7 and drilled his nuts in." Dating the best regular player at the pool hall, and if you scan the room you'll see at least three of her exes. Her case weighs more than she does. Carries a shaper and chalk in her purse.

Drillmaster
Drill, baby, drill. That's all he does. Always the same table. Middle of the day, so he can take advantage of the quiet time and the 8 dollar special. Bangs the same shot into the same far corner 150 times. Plays weird practice games with his buddies. Has books and dvds sitting on his back seat. Rocking the glove.

I know people who fit each category EXACTLY!

 

[measureman]

Inspector Gadget

This guy has all the tools except for a lathe. He carries a 6x12 case, 2 break cues, jump cue, 6 shafts for his player, including 3 LD shafts. 4 types of chalk, scuffers, powder, etc...

This sounds like Doug who comes to Felt.He does have a small lathe that he could bring to the room. And if you want to play on the table next to him it will take a couple minutes for him to get all the cues and shafts off of it.

 

[Maniac]

The Lucasi Guy


The guy who bought his playing cue at the electronics store...:smile:

ROFLMAO :rotflmao1:!!!

I shouldn't be laughing so hard, measureman could school me with his "Best Buy" cue .

Maniac (At least I bought my Lucasi from a pool retailer :wink

 

[measureman]

ROFLMAO :rotflmao1:!!!

I shouldn't be laughing so hard, measureman could school me with his "Best Buy" cue .

Maniac (At least I bought my Lucasi from a pool retailer :wink

The store was "Ultimate Electronics" and they had a very large Billiards section. It was a special edition Lucasi made just for them.It has a small radio under the butt cap so I can listen to music for free and not have to put money in the jute box. Saves me money to spend on water. :grin:

 

[inside_english]

Here's a few more.

The Know-It-All
Yeah, the title is self-explanatory, but this guy usually knows everything about everything related to pool. He can remember where balls were during a match played 20 years ago. He knows who should play whom, and for how much, and what the line should be. He knows how much gas it takes to get from poolroom to poolroom, and when the traffic lights will work in your favor...well, you get the picture! Meanwhile, he has not bet a nickel in decades!

The Professional Railbird
This guy sweats every tournament, regardless of payouts and caliber of player. He will also sweat every match if something...anything is being wagered. He does not play...ever.

The "I wanna be here but like to act like I don't" Guy
He can't imagine spending his time anywhere else but the poolroom, but when he is there he barely sweats any match, does not bet anymore, and does not play. Even at the U.S. Open arena he'll pay admission to be IN the arena, but won't actually watch any match in its entirety...he just wants to be there.

The "I'm too cool to clap" Guy
Loves pool, loves great competition...but would rather die than applaud for anything...no matter what the occasion!

The Slut
We all know her. She has a rep for sleeping with everybody within the tri-state area that can make three balls in a row. Her own pool-playing ability is sorely lacking.

The Man-Whore
Has to sleep with or pursue any attractive or semi-attractive woman that holds a pool cue. His pool-playing ability is usually lacking as well.

The Cheapskate
Name is also self-explanatory, but you know him well. Every room has one...or three.

The Pointless-Practice Man
This guy will practice a highly improbable 4-rail kick shot for three hours. Won't practice any fundamentals, no basic drills and won't play anyone else...but for some reason he gets mad when he doesn't have success in tournaments.

The APA "Qualifier"
This person just started in the APA, and insists on telling anyone how they beat a higher-ranked player recently. Even worse, they choose to measure their progress by their APA ratings. They are immensely proud because they went from a 3 to a 4, but then they play someone who can actually shoot and they get crushed emotionally.

The Temper-Tantrum
Will destroy anything (stick, case, table) because they are furious about missing a shot. These are usually the easiest people to beat. Just play them safe when you have a clear out and you can see the steam coming out of their ears...

 

[BrokeStroke]

The APA "Qualifier"
This person just started in the APA, and insists on telling anyone how they beat a higher-ranked player recently. Even worse, they choose to measure their progress by their APA ratings. They are immensely proud because they went fro a 3 to a 4, but then they play someone who can actually shoot and they get crushed emotionally.

:grin: :grin: LOL :grin: :grin:

 

[cuesblues]

This sounds like Doug who comes to Felt.He does have a small lathe that he could bring to the room. And if you want to play on the table next to him it will take a couple minutes for him to get all the cues and shafts off of it.

Doug is definitely Inspector Gadget Guy.

Wasn't he explaining the adhesion and cohesion properties of 12 different epoxies and 14 wood sealers when you left?

 

[Charlie Hustle]

The Cheapskate
Name is also self-explanatory, but you know him well. Every room has one...or three.

Waiting for someone to post that one. The guy will only show up when its free pool, never order anything, and not bet a penny.

 

[The Kiss]

Tin Man = No Heart

The Sandbagger- I learned in a room with many older guys they would show you bits a pieces of the game but they never put there real game on display often.

The Hot Head the guy who it was just fun to get under his skin.

The Ring Game Luck Master, in this case it was also the Hot Head so you tried to get under his skin before he started BSing shots in the hole. But when this guy could get on a lucky roll he could sh!t shots in at a stunning and improbable rate.

The Mayor of the pool hall. They old guy that knew everybody in the pool hall and in any given pool bar in a 30 mile radius. Everyone was a friend of his too.

The Action instigator. One guy who was always responsible for creating action especially if he didn't play well but he could keep a room hot with action for a few weeks. Action always seemed to be cyclical.

The Odd Ball...The Strange dude in the room

Tough Guy...Every room has one of these

Rich Old Guy....The guy is rumored to have a pile of money but no one knows for sure

 

[Hungarian]

The Oil Patch Trust Fund Gambler

This guy has a family with mineral rights. He rarely books a winner. But all he has to do is re-load and he's back for more. He can't play a lick but surrounds himself with guys that can. He stakes other guys to play with him in scotch doubles matches. And he is a drug addict and an alcoholic.

 

[Charlie Hustle]

The Oil Patch Trust Fund Gambler

This guy has a family with mineral rights. He rarely books a winner. But all he has to do is re-load and he's back for more. He can't play a lick but surrounds himself with guys that can. He stakes other guys to play with him in scotch doubles matches. And he is a drug addict and an alcoholic.

Pretty specific there... :wink:

 

[Banks]

The Associate

He is better by association, not for any real reason. This is the guy that plays with better players, so he feels that his game is also better than it is. He plays BCA to your bar league, APA Masters to your regular APA and plays big tables over barboxes. He loses, but not because of your play.

The Vulture

Never wants to work for his. He will play you for a few dollars a game, knowing that he has the best, but won't even think about it once it means he could lose 50/50 or worse.

Tunnel-Vision Guy

That one shot that had no reasonable shot.. he works on that for days. Forget that he can't make three balls in a row - he will figure out that shot, no matter that it may never, ever come up again.

...

There is an 'odd couple' that goes to the bar that I spent most of my time at a few years back. They always talked smack, always played the same game, never played anybody else and I'm not sure if I ever saw a single dollar change hands even though I heard them talk about where the bet's at for the day.

 

[Island Drive]

You guys are gonna love this, and I've never heard this before in a pool room anywhere in the country, but the current age group is probably the cause. I'm shooting and this fairly attractive gal with dyed bright red/orange hair is walking by the table with a guy and says, ''I gotta go home and wash my ass''. boy did we all laugh after she left................how woulda ya mom liked it if you brought her/it home

 

[Hungarian]

The Slut
We all know her. She has a rep for sleeping with everybody within the tri-state area that can make three balls in a row. Her own pool-playing ability is sorely lacking.

You guys are gonna love this, and I've never heard this before in a pool room anywhere in the country, but the current age group is probably the cause. I'm shooting and this fairly attractive gal with dyed bright red/orange hair is walking by the table with a guy and says, ''I gotta go home and wash my ass''. boy did we all laugh after she left................how woulda ya mom liked it if you brought her/it home

 

[pwd72s]

[QUOTE

Tough Guy...Every room has one of these

[/QUOTE]

Here's the tough guy in our room. He never fights, but everybody knows he's the toughest guy in the room.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Malarkey

 

[BrokeStroke]

Woe Is Me Guy - Sob stories out the ass from his first diaper rash to his wife leaving him to his dog dying to his underwear chafing to the $5 he just lost to you. Usually goes into great detail about how hard life has been to him while you are shooting.

Life has never treated this guy fair, even though he has never had to work, has a house and a car and that pool cue you wish you had.

Lose $100 to this guy, and he will tell you about the time he lost ten thousand.

Win $20 off of him and he quits you and talks about suicide.