9-ball: ran 16 racks while giving Buddy Hall the 5 and out, and then broke dry.
8-ball: I haven't missed since 1984; I'm on a 1,596-pack and counting.
14.1: I ate Mosconi's liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
1-pocket: Gave Ronnie Allen 27-3, with him getting to place the CB anywhere he wanted between every one of my shots. Eventually he found a loophole in the wording and started placing the CB on a different table after every shot. I ran out 3 more games that way, and then quit him winner.
I beat the 31-ball ghost once, with no ball-in-hand after the break.
Additionally, I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.
I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.
I enjoy urban hang gliding.
On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire.
I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
And I'll be surprised if this is the least believable post in this thread, considering some of the whoppers I've read in similar threads on this forum.
-Andrew
(most of this was shamelessly plagiarized from uncredited internet sources)
p ).
).
That is way better than anyone here. LOL I'll take the 5 out.
