A Little Pool Room Humor!

T

tom mcgonagle

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
I thought of a couple of funny things, I'd like to share with my fellow pool players.

The first was after I played a very close match with a player that had never beaten me. He is probably twenty years younger than I am. In his frustration, I probably beat him close to thirty times, he blurted out, "Some friggin day I'm going to beat you."

My response was, "I hope I live that long."


On another occasion I came into the pool room. A rather mouthy player was beaming as he was running around the table. Evidently he was having a great day. He let everyone in the room know, "I'm playing like a machine."

I shouted back to him, "Ya an ATM Machine."

How about you? Got anything funny you might like to share?

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http://tommcgonaglerightoncue.com
 
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It would have been deadly if it was a move, but a young player was in not so long ago and proclaimed loudly after a PoolKiller smash-and-claim-it-was-called shot, "I'm too good for this game!"

He had people lining up to gamble with him. Apparently he was also too good for our money.




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I have a buddy that is barely over 5 foot.
It was very cool in the poolroom and he had his hands in his pockets and was jumping up and down trying to get warm. Another buddy of mine ask him..... Are you trying to see over the table? It was hilarious
 
Freind from many years ago, he and his wife were seeing a marraige conseler
He was asked if he talked with his wife after sex--replied--when ever I can find a phone.
 
Had a guy walk up to me one day while I was shooting drills....

Looks down and goes keep that up and one day you'll be able to shoot like me...


Without missing a beat I said...If I ever shot like you...I'd have to quit pool...


He still hasn't figured out if I was insulting him or not...


R
 
I was playing in a local tournament and I had just beaten some kid with a little too much testosterone, and he turned to me and angrily said, "I can beat you on my worst day!"

I replied, "I hope you have your worst day soon."
 
About 10 years ago I was having a lesson and the instuctor was stood right at the edge of the table giving me something to aim a kick at. I slam the ball, miscue and the CB hits him in the baby makers.

I can't imagine the pain!
 
I made a sweet long thin cut shot the other night and got great shape. My opponent said "nice shot, lucky". I said, "yep, lucky I'm playing you!" (not really, but that's one of my favorite comebacks..)
 
i have a friend that i play with on fri and sat nights, on sun nights we play on different teams. we all pal around and even play on doubles together but on sun nights whenwe face each other it becomes a fierce rivalry in a friendly way.we alaways bark at each other that night about whi has the best team, that is the must win match of the entire session when we face each other.

well last sunday our 7 did not show up so my captain put me up against her 7. i am a 5 so it is a 5-3 race. 1st thing outa her mouth is , you are going down. i said he better be on tonight because i aint going down easy.

i jump out and win the 1st to games and am on the hill 2-0, she's got a concerned look on her face. he wins the 3rd rack and she's smiling. he makes the 8 on the break and she lets out a loud yeessss ! while she marks down the win.

5th rack he breaks dry, i run the table and win the match. i was standing about 2 feet from her seat as i pocketed the 8 ball, i jumped out and shouted yesssss ! and pumped my fists and cue up in the air doing my best imitation of that pro who throws his stick and jumps on the table" i di not throw my stick or jump on the table" but you get the idea.

i scared her so bad when i did that that she jumped and knocked almost everything over on the table she was sitting at.

both teams just bust out laughing like hell.
 
one of the very worst players came up to me when i was practicing and asked it he could hit 'em with me (i was the top dog and he wanted to show-off his improvement). I said "sure thing".

So,after a few racks he turns to me and say "so,whatta ya think?"

me: hmmm...you've been practicing, huh?
him: yea! (giggles) you can tell?
me: well sure, because you used to really,REALLY suck ass.
him: and now?
me: now you just plain suck.
 
I was watching a 9 ball game. One player kept talking and chalking while the other was shooting.

The talker came to the table... ran 3 balls making the 9. He grinned and loudly said, "I'm a freakin' Manimal"

The guy who lost looked up and replied, "Oh.. My mistake, I thought I was playing a f...in' Masshole."
 
peteypooldude said:
I have a buddy that is barely over 5 foot.
It was very cool in the poolroom and he had his hands in his pockets and was jumping up and down trying to get warm. Another buddy of mine ask him..... Are you trying to see over the table? It was hilarious
Click to expand...

Thats some funny sh!% right there:D
 
Heard a guy ask a fella one time how he made those long straight in shots. The guy told him not to cut them. I thought if was funny.---Smitty
 
I was shooting a proposition game... had something like 30 tries to make a ridiculous shot throwing the cue ball with my hand 3 rails. I made it on the last try, from a crazy position. I'm jumping up and down hollering in excitement.

My buddy who is betting against me says: "Its cause of guys like you that I can't quit smoking"
 
Pidge said:
About 10 years ago I was having a lesson and the instuctor was stood right at the edge of the table giving me something to aim a kick at. I slam the ball, miscue and the CB hits him in the baby makers.

I can't imagine the pain!
Click to expand...

I hit myself in the baby makers once. We were trying to see how many rails we could get with the cue ball (We got 9, but couldn't get 10). The cueball went the first two rails bouncing slightly, then once it hit the third it got airborn and came right at me. I swear it was 1 in a million, lol.
 
My buddy and I are in some $5 tournament and he plays one of the known locals, who's kind of full of himself.

The guy sends the cue ball down a risky route... and sure enough he gets hooked and starts cussing loudly. My buddy said something and the guy said "no, that's bullshit, the ball rolled off"... I said "looked kinda risky to me"... he comes woofing back like "no, I know the difference between when I played it bad and when the table ****ed me, and if you think you can play better we can play for anything you want" etc.

I didn't say anything, just smiled. Later when he's shooting I say this to my buddy not-so-quietly.

"they call him 'Pine Tree'"
"why?"
"cuz he ain't got no leaves."

Well, it was funny to us anyway.

------

Also, a favorite line that I think I learned somewhere on AZB... when someone's racking and wasting time swapping around each ball to get alternating stripes/solids... "It's not f*cking rubik's cube dude."
 
9-ball match about five years ago. One of those nights where I couldn't have hit my ass with a stick of dynamite. Shooting badly. I got ball-in-hand on a 9-ball hanging on the pocket ledge. Too lazy to walk around the table and place the ball where I needed to to make it properly. Took the cueball out of the return hole, set it up on the table from where I was standing and tried to pocket the 9 going rail first and of course, missed the ball completely. I remember yelling out loud:

"I couldn't buy a shot tonight if Wal-Mart was sellin' 'em".

Maniac
 
one of the funniest guys you would have ever met in your life, Jimmy O'Connell was playing on table 13 at the billiard sport center in Bridgeport
which was the triple shimmed table, the match was hill hill jimmy is running out like tap water, gets perfect shape on the nine and beats it into the rail
the lays over the pool table and say's i had the right area code but the wrong number
 
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