Best Lines You Ever Heard...

Player 1 "do you want to double it?"

Player2 "No, I think I am going home" This guy Had been talking s**t all night but was starting to get drilled.

Player1 "Yeah, you better go home and see if you can get your balls out of your wifes purse"
 
ok one more...

Player 1 after losing a match where he thought he was the favorite. "Thats great do you want to gamble some?"

Player 2 "I never gamble, but I will play you some for a hundred"
 
Minnesota Fats was driving through the south on a road trip, and mosquitos were flying around in the car. Fats says: "Ya know, mosquitos are like pool hustlers - they buzz through town and when they're gone, ya need a malaria shot and a new bankroll".

When Santos Sambujon first appeared on the scene, no one knew who he was, and when he gave a very well-known, highly-respected player (who will remain anonymous) serious weight in 9Ball, we all thought it was going to be a heist. Well, Santos ran out from everywhere, wins the first set. Mr. Anonymous walks over to his girlfriend and says: "If I ever play another Filipino, it'll be a she, and she better not be older than 12".

In 1970, an old road dog named Rod the Surfer came through town. He and I matched up for some barbox 8Ball. After he ran through me, I asked him: "Don't you ever miss?" Rod thought for a few seconds and said: "Yeah, I missed a turn coming into town". I had a mouthful of beer, started laughing and sprayed it all over him. He then says: "That's the most accurate you been all night".
 
Last week at the Fast Eddie's tour stop here in Houston, Jimmy Moen and JL Chen are even at 5-5. Jimmy wins a game and goes to move his coin up one diamond only he moves Chen's instead. The railbirds start hollering to Jimmy that he moved the wrong coin. Jimmy says," That's OK. I go both ways." The place erupted in laughter.
 
In the past some one posted this on AZB.
Reportedly it happened in Derby city few years ago.Big time woofing was going on between two guys and there was big crowd enjoying the drama.Suddenly there was complete silence.Then Shannon Daulton,reportedly, said ``it is so quiet here u can hear the sound of field mouse peeing on a cotton ball``.
 
jnav447 said:
In 1970, an old road dog named Rod the Surfer came through town. He and I matched up for some barbox 8Ball. After he ran through me, I asked him: "Don't you ever miss?" Rod thought for a few seconds and said: "Yeah, I missed a turn coming into town". I had a mouthful of beer, started laughing and sprayed it all over him. He then says: "That's the most accurate you been all night".
Click to expand...


Surfer Rod was a lot of fun ... Loved reading this one!
 
If anyone has ever seen the movie "Dazed and Confused". The part where the bully guy is playing pool is the best trash talking I have ever heard.

Here is a situation that always happens to me and bugs me to death.

Challenger: "Do you want to play for some money"
Me: "Nope"
 
a fight to the bitter end...

I will not mention names on this one -
Two world class players are matched up in one-pocket for 400.00 a game.

After a couple of hours the little guy is up 2 games. A dispute erupts over the ball count and the little guy accuses the other guy about stealin a ball from his tray.

A short dicussion is ended with the little guy cold-cockin the other guy. The guy hits the floor, comes-to, goes to the restroom to clean-up the blood, complains to the management, asks them to call the cops which they do not and returns to the table where the little guy is waiting.

Hitee says, "I didn't steal a ball from you but that was a good right so why don't ya take it."

Hitter, "Thank you."

The best part is they kept playin for a couple more hours and broke even.
True hearts of true champions...
 
Howz about, when everything is going your way...
This is easier than makin' toast!

Or, c/o Jay-Z...couldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight.
 
Back in the late 70's...

Hey All,
I hope everyone has enjoyed this thread as much as I have. I will keep posting as my memory keeps workin and hope the rest of you keep it going.

It was the night before the annual Father's Day tournament, currently called the Jointed Cue Reunion Tournament. Terry Stonier, God rest his soul, started this tournament back in the 70's. He ran, as does his son David now, a great event.

Anyway, A well know champion was woofin at everyone in the back room. There was only a room full of locals, most of us young guys (back then) and Terry. So Terry must have gotten tired of listen to this champion tryin to pick on all us kids and the following conversation took place -

Champion - "There ain't no action in this room."
Terry - "I'll give ya some action. What's the bet?"
Champion - "500.00?"
Terry - You got it!"

Terry laid out his 500.00 and told the champion to show his money, which he did.

So as the champion grabs his case...
Terry says - "We ain't playin pool. What, you think I'm a fool? You said you wanted action so call it!" (as he pulled a coin out of his pocket).

Champion - "Heads!" (It came up tails)
Terry - "Want more action?"
Champion - "No!"
Terry - "Now you fit right in with the rest of us".
Terry - "How about I buy ya a beer?"

Which he did and the rest of the night they just had a good time together.
 
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Years ago in San Antonio, there was a player when away from the table was one of the nicest guys you'd ever meet but on a pool table, he had an explosive temper. Once upset, he'd throw chalk or his cue across the room or bounce balls off the slate higher than the light.
One night, I'm playing him in our weekly 9 ball tourney ($10 entry) and I spank him, 5-0. I know what's coming and sure enough, he turns bright red and screams, " You no-gamblin' ****! Why don't you freeze up $500 or a $1000 and let's play some?"
To which I said, " Let me ask you something............Why would you want to pay $500 or a thousand for a lesson I just gave to you for ten bucks?"
Well, I didn't think he couldn't get any redder in the face, but he did and he turned around and javelin threw his cue into the wall and stormed out. Next day, he came in with a couple guys and repaired the wall.
 
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After Davie misses a relatively easy 9 ball, "What's wrong with this stick??? Was it made on Lombard Street???"

Lombard%20Street%20The%20windiest%20in%20the%20World%203.JPG
 
I overheard two local nits barking at each other when they finally agree on a game. As they start toward the table:

Player 1: Post it and put it on the light!

Player 2: Post it? What do you mean, post it? I haven't stiffed anybody in two weeks!
 
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Famous Quotes:

"I should get up and whip his ***, but I'm 0 for 11 in bar fights."

"You want a spot? Okay, I'll play you even but I'll spot you two whines on the wire."

"The only time that guy ran out......was out the door!"

Player 1: I rarely make mental errors!
Player 2: Well, neither does a brick!

Player 1: Hear about that party they're putting on for all the pool players in town?
Player 2: No.
Player 1: Didn't think you would!
 
smittie1984 said:
If anyone has ever seen the movie "Dazed and Confused". The part where the bully guy is playing pool is the best trash talking I have ever heard.
Click to expand...

The bully is none other than Ben "Stripper Licker" Affleck. Note his ridiculous bridge in the pool scenes.
 
Jr. Brown

Our own Jr. Brown is a pretty colorful player for about 30 years.

1) Coming back from a restroom break, and the other player says, 'Go ahead', Jr. looks at him sharply and says, "Did you just call me a Goathead', and finally smiles.

2) Jr gets down 3-0 in a race to 7, finally gets a shot and says, 'I'm going to
rectify this situation ....... bend over cause it's coming your way' and proceeds to put a 5 pack on the guy.
 
A player asks a guy ...
"what do you think the chances are of us playing some one hole?"

other guy says (without waiting half a second) ...
"Well, sounds to me like you've got about an ANT'S CHANCE AGAINST A CAN OF RAID there.... what's the bet, sonny? "

I noted it for future use.
 
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