The whole industry baffles me.
I'm gonna blow a load of cash on a gussied up tool for playing a game,
a tool which is about as simple and utilitarian as a baseball bat or a salad fork.
I will put down a thousand or so in order to hear some new and interesting excuses
over the course of the next 12-36 months. I can have my texts, emails, facebook posts,
and AZ posts ignored while the cuemaker struggles with illness/divorce/a massive backlog/apathy.
If I'm lucky, at the end of the third year, I will be informed the cuemaker is holding my stick hostage
and I can have it if I pay the quoted price plus a 20% "fυck you" charge.
There will be some crying about shipping cost and the condition it arrives in,
then I will agonize over every inlay with a microscope.
Perhaps if something is a millimeter off I will post on AZ and really stick it to him!
I'm gonna do this so I can hang it on my wall where nobody will ever see it but me.
I guess it's "art"? I mean, I could spend $3,000 on a painting,
but I prefer my artwork to only be an inch wide, and I want half of my artwork to be plain.
The lower half I want to be more or less just another unoriginal arrangement of points,
circles, boxes, and rings. Nothing too wild please. Nothing pictorial. Just basic shapes.
If a fifth grader can't draw it on graph paper, I don't want it.
Also, let's not do any tacky colors like blue, green, purple, yellow, and so on.
Shades of brown for me. A little red and orange because those go nicely with brown.
Throw in some black and white if you want to go butt-wild with artistic creativity.
Actually, scratch that, let's stick to light brown, medium brown, and dark brown.
I want it to be a "Sneaky Pete" because I fancy myself a crafty hustler.
I will have to find a target who has only been playing pool for 15 minutes,
otherwise he will realize it's not a house cue.
Maybe I'll bring it out to the pool hall and carefully hit some balls with it.
Absolutely nobody else will recognize it as special and expensive, in the sea of brown cues.
But on the rare chance someone does make a remark, I will say "yes, this is a [cuemaker's name] cue."
I will try not to feel hurt when they don't recognize the name.
Maybe I could casually drop how much it cost and mention the waiting period.
If they consent to a game, they will be wowed that a C+ player almost ran a rack
thanks to my amazing cue that has the exact weight, taper, buttcap and joint protectors that I prefer.
They will ask "How did you do that??" when I miss a routine inside english three railer that deflected
so hard the cueball flew past my left elbow.
They will beg to hit a ball and then feel puzzled that it feels just like a $150 McDermott.
Then they will miss the Q-Claw while putting it back and it will get a ding
that costs me another $120 and 7 months wait.
When I go home I will hang it next to the 6 other brown cues I already own,
and then hop on AZ and Ebay and see what other cue is for sale.
Maybe I can find one that hits 1.15 tons and will finally make me a B player!