Funny pic/gif thread...
- Thread starter dfweyer
- Start date
Why I fired my Secretary
Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn't say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o'clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Joanne, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch but not where we'd normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" I replied with "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm gonna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn't say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o'clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Joanne, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch but not where we'd normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" I replied with "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm gonna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
That's rad!!!!!!
Making real head cheese.
Either that or Halloween costumes.
Either that or Halloween costumes.
Friend of mine just opened new restaurant in DC.
He can make some helluma good food.
North Korean Missle Launch
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The Gorilla and the Red Neck
A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very
rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female,
became very difficult to handle. Upon
examination, the veterinarian determined
the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To
make matters worse, there was no male
gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo
Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a
redneck part-time worker responsible for
cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee,
like most rednecks, had little sense but
possessed ample ability to satisfy a
female of any species.
The Zoo Keeper thought they might have
a solution. Bobby Lee was approached
with a proposition. Would he be willing
to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but
said he would have to think the matter
over carefully. The following day, he
announced that he would accept their
offer, but only under four conditions:
"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna
kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly
agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "She must wear a
'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The
keeper again readily agreed to this
condition.
"Third", he said, "you can't never tell no
one about this." The keeper again
readily agreed to this condition.
"And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need
another week to come up with the $500.00.
A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very
rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female,
became very difficult to handle. Upon
examination, the veterinarian determined
the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To
make matters worse, there was no male
gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo
Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a
redneck part-time worker responsible for
cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee,
like most rednecks, had little sense but
possessed ample ability to satisfy a
female of any species.
The Zoo Keeper thought they might have
a solution. Bobby Lee was approached
with a proposition. Would he be willing
to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but
said he would have to think the matter
over carefully. The following day, he
announced that he would accept their
offer, but only under four conditions:
"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna
kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly
agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "She must wear a
'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The
keeper again readily agreed to this
condition.
"Third", he said, "you can't never tell no
one about this." The keeper again
readily agreed to this condition.
"And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need
another week to come up with the $500.00.
