Pool player jokes
- Thread starter wjpjr
- Start date
Chuck Norris copyrighted all of them so no one can tell them with out paying him royalties and offering a sacrifice to his beard.
This is not exactly a joke but it was pretty funny at the time. At a small tourny, two pretty good shortstops match up for 4 ahead. They don't know each other. Player A wins the toss and breaks and runs out the set. Player B tells Player A that he needs a spot. Player A says " I can't spot you, man. I've never seen you shoot" 
Just a couple
What does a pool player have in common with a medium pizza?
Neither one can feed a family of four!
What do you call a pool player without a girlfriend?
Homeless!
What's the difference between a pool player and a puppy dog?
The puppy will eventually quit whining!
Oh wait...you wanted JOKES!???
OK..one more...
Police find a dead body in the street. First officer says..."Looks like a hit and run Sarge, he's a pool player." Sarge says, How do you know hes a pool player rookie? Officer notes..."Look! No skid marks.
One more...
What does a pool player and a sperm cell have in common?
They both have a 1/50,000,000 chance of becoming a human.
Okay...just one more..
How do you keep a pool player from drowning?
Take your foot off his head!
Last one I swear...
What's wrong with pool player jokes?
Pool players don't think they are funny and everyone else dont think they are jokes!
wjpjr said:
What does a pool player have in common with a medium pizza?
Neither one can feed a family of four!
What do you call a pool player without a girlfriend?
Homeless!
What's the difference between a pool player and a puppy dog?
The puppy will eventually quit whining!
Oh wait...you wanted JOKES!???
OK..one more...
Police find a dead body in the street. First officer says..."Looks like a hit and run Sarge, he's a pool player." Sarge says, How do you know hes a pool player rookie? Officer notes..."Look! No skid marks.
One more...
What does a pool player and a sperm cell have in common?
They both have a 1/50,000,000 chance of becoming a human.
Okay...just one more..
How do you keep a pool player from drowning?
Take your foot off his head!
Last one I swear...
What's wrong with pool player jokes?
Pool players don't think they are funny and everyone else dont think they are jokes!
Last edited:
Roy Kilroy Kosmanski (old time road warrior)
A Kilroy story about the realities of pool hustling:
A guy goes into the doctor's office. "Doc, I think I'm constipated, I aint sh*t in a week." The doctor prescribes a strong laxative. Guy returns the next day. "Doc, I still aint sh*t." Doctor prescribes a super stong laxative guaranteed to work. Next day the guy is back again. "Still nothing, Doc." The doctor is perplexed and digs into the man's routine. "By the way, sir, what do you do for a living?" "I'm a pool hustler, doc." the man replies. The doctor lights up in realization. "Why didnt you say so in the first place? Here's a couple of dollars, go get yourself something to eat."
(This is an excerpt from my book, Banking With The Beard.
the Beard
A Kilroy story about the realities of pool hustling:
A guy goes into the doctor's office. "Doc, I think I'm constipated, I aint sh*t in a week." The doctor prescribes a strong laxative. Guy returns the next day. "Doc, I still aint sh*t." Doctor prescribes a super stong laxative guaranteed to work. Next day the guy is back again. "Still nothing, Doc." The doctor is perplexed and digs into the man's routine. "By the way, sir, what do you do for a living?" "I'm a pool hustler, doc." the man replies. The doctor lights up in realization. "Why didnt you say so in the first place? Here's a couple of dollars, go get yourself something to eat."
(This is an excerpt from my book, Banking With The Beard.
the Beard
How do you get a pool player off your front porch???
Pay for your pizza.
Pay for your pizza.
Oops, forgot this one.
What do you say to a pool player in a 3-piece suit???
"Will the defendant please rise."
What do you say to a pool player in a 3-piece suit???
"Will the defendant please rise."
does anybody remember that joke posted a while back about mike sigel. something about him being at earl's HOF induction and a few players making a speech, when it comes to sigel he cries cus he cant talk about himself or something...
was a really good one.
was a really good one.
At the King of the Hill IPT shootout, Mike Sigel offers to play an exhibiition game with a media celebrity.
Mike tells the celebrity: "I hope you realize that even if you win and go back home and tell everybody that you beat Mike Sigel, nobody will believe you!"
Mike tells the celebrity: "I hope you realize that even if you win and go back home and tell everybody that you beat Mike Sigel, nobody will believe you!"
cueandcushion said:
I heard something like this one......What do a pool player and sperm have in common......Only one in a million work.
How's that variation. Oh and all these jokes here I'm going to take as my own in the local pool room, hope you don't mind.....
These are some good ones.
Forgot one
What do you call a 100 pool players in the basement?
A WHINE cellar.
What do you call a 100 pool players in the basement?
A WHINE cellar.
I've posted this one before, but it's one of my favorites.
A man's wife requested that he run out for a carton of cigarettes. He said, "OK, honey, I'll be right back." The man went downstairs toward the garage, but rather than going out, he racked the balls on the pool table in his basement, and started playing pool.
About fifteen minutes later, he reappeared at the top of the stairs but his hands were empty. His wife asked "What about the carton of cigarettes?" He said, "You can keep them, honey, I couldn't run out."
A man's wife requested that he run out for a carton of cigarettes. He said, "OK, honey, I'll be right back." The man went downstairs toward the garage, but rather than going out, he racked the balls on the pool table in his basement, and started playing pool.
About fifteen minutes later, he reappeared at the top of the stairs but his hands were empty. His wife asked "What about the carton of cigarettes?" He said, "You can keep them, honey, I couldn't run out."
A guy stops in a bar on his way home from work and meets a gorgous blond. They have a couple drinks then go to her place and have wild sex for four hours. On his way home, he stops by the pool hall and rubs his hands on the table and wipes chalk on his hands. When he gets home, his wife is up waiting for him.
"Where have you been!?!" she shouts.
"Honey, on the way home, I stopped by the bar, picked up a gorgous blond, took her home and had sex for four hours."
"LIAR!" she screams. "Look at your hands! You've been playing pool again! How much did you lose?"
"Where have you been!?!" she shouts.
"Honey, on the way home, I stopped by the bar, picked up a gorgous blond, took her home and had sex for four hours."
"LIAR!" she screams. "Look at your hands! You've been playing pool again! How much did you lose?"
Here's a pool joke.
As the blushing bride reached the altar, she noticed her fiancee's cue case leaning against the wall behind him. The Minister began the ceremony, but she interrupted him and pointed to the cue case, saying "What's that all about?"
The groom meekly responded, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
As the blushing bride reached the altar, she noticed her fiancee's cue case leaning against the wall behind him. The Minister began the ceremony, but she interrupted him and pointed to the cue case, saying "What's that all about?"
The groom meekly responded, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
Here's a killer it's a wee bit long but bear with me ok here goes:
Willie Mosconi, Johnny Archer and Earl Strickland are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you believe.
God looks at Willie and asks: "what do you believe?"
Willie thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans.
God can't help but see the essential goodness of Mosconi, and offers him a seat on his left.
Then God turns to Archer and says, "What do you believe?"
Johnny says, "Win or lose, I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Willie, I believe in hard work. I've been lucky too, but I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the table."
God is greatly moved by Johnny's modest southern eloquence and offers him a seat at his right and a piece of pie.
Finally, God turns to Strickland : "And you, Earl, what do you believe?"
Earl replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
Willie Mosconi, Johnny Archer and Earl Strickland are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you believe.
God looks at Willie and asks: "what do you believe?"
Willie thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans.
God can't help but see the essential goodness of Mosconi, and offers him a seat on his left.
Then God turns to Archer and says, "What do you believe?"
Johnny says, "Win or lose, I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Willie, I believe in hard work. I've been lucky too, but I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the table."
God is greatly moved by Johnny's modest southern eloquence and offers him a seat at his right and a piece of pie.
Finally, God turns to Strickland : "And you, Earl, what do you believe?"
Earl replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
always laugh at this one
I always laugh at this one 'cause you know it would work just fine for most of us!
Hu
I always laugh at this one 'cause you know it would work just fine for most of us!
Hu
rayjay said:A guy stops in a bar on his way home from work and meets a gorgous blond. They have a couple drinks then go to her place and have wild sex for four hours. On his way home, he stops by the pool hall and rubs his hands on the table and wipes chalk on his hands. When he gets home, his wife is up waiting for him.
"Where have you been!?!" she shouts.
"Honey, on the way home, I stopped by the bar, picked up a gorgous blond, took her home and had sex for four hours."
"LIAR!" she screams. "Look at your hands! You've been playing pool again! How much did you lose?"