pool's greatest one liners & quotes

Ted Lowe, tv snooker commentator...

"....and for those of you watching in black and white that's the ball behind the blue......"

"......and there you are, steve davis pots the black and takes his 3rd world title and the absolutely most remarkable thing about it is that his mother doesn't like snooker......."
 
Ronnie Allen: "If anyone ever offers me a job, I'll smack'em in the face!"
 
mullyman said:
Attributed to Minnesota Fats:

Some guys are getting a game going on this table. When Fats walks by one says "Hey, Fats, we can't play on this table....the pockets are too big" Fats replies "Bet a little higher, they'll tighten up."

MULLY
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I love that quote. LOL! :rotflmao: :killingme: :lmao: :rotflmao1:

Hey, Mully, as an aside, I don't know why I always sign all of my posts with JAM, since we have avatars on the left with our names. I noticed that you do too. Maybe it is just a forum posting habit, but I'm thinking about not doing it anymore. :o

I have many quotes that I enjoy. My favorite Minnesota Fats quote has got to be: Boys, the only difference between me and everybody else is that everybody else drives around in a Volkswagen, and Minnesota Fats drives around in a Duesenberg.

Minnesota Fat's (Rudolph Wanderone) epitaph on his tombstone reads, his last words going out, so to speak, are: "Beat everybody living on Earth. Now, St. Peter, rack 'em up."

There will never be another one like him. They broke the mold when they made Minnesota Fats. What a great entertainer. :grin:
 
:confused:
bignasty said:
kid says to me after i played his buddy"nasty i need a spot" and as he was drinking his mt.dew i said"spill on ur shirt then" just thought it was funny!
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:confused: :confused: :( :confused:
 
My personal favorites....


"I've never really lost, I just ran outta money."
Scotty Townsend

(in the middle of getting robbed at gun point)
"Hey Squirrel, you remember that $1000 I owes ya? Here. I paid ya. We're square now."
Minnesota Fats

(when asked about Keith's shirt that said "The world has the 7")
"Well, he didn't really mean that. He meant to say ALMOST everyone in the world has the 7."
Buddy Hall

(When asked by Sigel if he should play the Canadian who just walked in who was looking for a big money match ... who was Gerry Watson)
"Are you kidding me?? Mike, listen to me... you haven't missed a ball in over a month! GO PLAY THE GUY!!!!!!!!!!"
Allen Hopkins

EDIT:

Another one....

(Seeing Buddy Hall for the first time, totally nervous and rattled, not knowing he had just ripping apart Efren 11-5 at the US Open an hour earlier....)
"Hey Buddy! Nice to meet you! I heard you used to play "REAL" good!"
SpiderWebComm
 
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Shannon Daulton, engaged in woofing and after verbally upping other barkers: "(its) so quiet in here you could hear a mouse pissin' on a cottonball".
 
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Earl the Pearl

Earl Strickland was in the middle of a match with Ralf Souquet at the US Open and Earl was getting upset because Ralf was taking a lot of time between shots and Earl turned to the crowd and said:

"This guy is so slow it takes him 3 hours to watch 60 Minutes!"
 
Well known road player immediately prior to going flat broke,

"If this guy beats me, I'll suck every $%&^ in the room."
 
I was in with Billy Carroll once in Raleigh. He was breaking dry and I decided to give him a little advice. In response, without missing a beat, "Look here, I'm fu#@ing this cat, you just hold its head."

Another good one: Tony Watson (as he is hitting his opponent with a six for a buck a game) He is literally running around the table yelling, "This shit is tooooo easy. Toooo easy."

Bob Ogburn (after being held up and asked to strip naked in the poolroom) He is laughing and someone asked him why he was laughing, after all, they had just been robbed and stripped of their clothes.
"I never knew how small I was."

Another funny one I use. "I was jarred so much in there, I got addicted."
 
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What about the story of the game between Ronnie Allen and Cornbread Red?
They played two nights in a row, the first night, Ronnie's backers slipped Red the proverbial Mickey.

Cornbread lost a lot of money, but came back the next night ready for revenge. Whatever was slipped into Ronnie's drink that night caused him to black out and fall to the ground, seizing and foaming at the mouth.

Cornbread walked over to Ronnie, kicked him in the ribs and said in his Southern drawl, "Yo shot, Mother@$^%er." Priceless.:D
 
the420trooper said:
What about the story of the game between Ronnie Allen and Cornbread Red?
They played two nights in a row, the first night, Ronnie's backers slipped Red the proverbial Mickey.

Cornbread lost a lot of money, but came back the next night ready for revenge. Whatever was slipped into Ronnie's drink that night caused him to black out and fall to the ground, seizing and foaming at the mouth.

Cornbread walked over to Ronnie, kicked him in the ribs and said in his Southern drawl, "Yo shot, Mother@$^%er." Priceless.:D
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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Now THAT'S funny!
 
"He's liable to beat anyone on a bar table when he's right. His problem is he starts celebrating the soon as he get's ahead." Buddy Hall about me. Florida 1980's. Johnnyt
 
Black-Balled said:
Shannon Daulton, engaged in woofing and after verbally upping other barkers: "(its) so quiet in here you could hear a mouse pissin' on a cueball".
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...mouse pissing on a cottonball.
 
Coltrain and I used to hit a few spots when he and I were both younger. He was about sixteen and was so used to giving up weight, it just became normal.

We are sitting in the poolroom, when he comes over to me. "Hey, see that tall guy over there? He wants the six and the last two. How much can I give him?"
(It was Bob Osborne, Ogburn.) I just laughed.

Mike also was playing a very good player in Tennessee, giving him the eight. He was three sets down at $300 a set. I had seen enough. I worked it out to play even. Mike loses another one.

Roger (his dad), "Raise the bet. $500!"
Me, "What are you doing, Roger?"
Roger, "I'm sailing. We're stone cold going off. That's what we're doing. He'll by gosh be interested, now."

Mike wins three sets in a row.

Another one which shall remain nameless for obvious reasons. When asked how he did at the US Open:

"Well, I got staked for the tournament, slept through my first match, then lost my second. It's OK though. I borrowed $500. I came out ahead."
 
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I was playing in small nine ball tourney against a young man in a pool hall/sports bar in Nebraska which was housed in huge steel building during a thunderstorm.

I needed one more game to finish him off.

Just as I am breaking the rack, BOOM ! ... lightning either hit the building or very near the building because the whole place shook like an earthquake for a second and the lights went down for several seconds then came back on.

So I look at the table when the lights come back up and 3 balls are gone including the 9 ball.

I looked at my opponent and said "Get back to me when you can break like that junior"
 
Im at bird bowl in 1982, 16 years old and playing high stakes pool for the first time in my life. The bet is 100 a game 9ball and my opponent is stuck 1400. We are playing on the wire.

Tommy Brown, probably the best 9ball player in Miami at the time comes into the room. Soon he sidles up next to me and says...
"How much you up?"
1400 i say
"How much has he paid you?"
nothing we are playing on the wire
Tommy looks the guy im playing up and down closely and says to me:
"You better ask him what size those shoes he is wearing are..."

Of course, I got completely airballed and lost like 40 on time that go around.
 
iba7467 said:
Well known road player immediately prior to going flat broke,

"If this guy beats me, I'll suck every $%&^ in the room."
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i think this just about says it all:shocked: :shocked2:
 

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Looong one. A new favorite pirated from another thread:
jay helfert said:
One more, compliments of Joe Kerr, who just passed away. He used to put on a big tourney every year in Akron at Starchers. So one time, someone brought Jimmy over to play, except they arrived too late. Jimmy couldn't get in the tournament and wanted to leave. But he asks Joe Kerr who the best player was. Joe points out Jack Hynes playing on a nearby table, and says "He'll give you a game".

So Jimmy starts watching Jack's matches, sitting in the front row. Jack notices him there and asks him why he is watching him every match. Jimmy says he heard that Jack gives lessons and he wants one. Jack says sure, after the tourney is over for the day he can get a lesson for $40. So they get together later and Jimmy says the best lesson for him is if he gambles while he's learning. Jack's ears perk up and he says okay, how much. How about $10 9-Ball Jimmy says. Jack is ecstatic and quickly puts his cue together.

Two hours and $200 later, Jack Hynes is fit to be tied. He still thinks this guy was trying to learn from him and just got very lucky. Finally he quits in disgust telling Joe "The guy asks me for lessons, and ends up making me pay for them" .
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Hey Black-Balled,

That's hilarious, i know jack hynes and i could see that disgusted look on his face right now.

Quick question : do you know which "jimmy" jay was talking about? ya know in the pool world, james/jim/jimmy is a very common name . likewise with john & micheal/mike
 
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