Share Your Favorite Pool Hall Quips!

"That wasn't a lucky shot - it was a fortuitous collision of spheres."

One night I joked with a friend of mine, "Hey, Bob, you have me in the Calcutta?"
"Yeah," he said, "You went for a quarter."
 
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One of my own...

I remember one night of 9-ball when I was just shooting terribly. I stood up after missing yet another shot and commented that "I couldn't buy a shot tonight if they were sellin' 'em at Wal-Mart".

Maniac
 
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Keith McCready was competing at the U.S. Open, and he needed to win the next match or get knocked out of the tournament. :mad:

His opponent won the lag for the first break and shot out like a rocket. Racing the 11, the score was 10-zip in what seemed like minutes. It's one of the few times I've seen Keith quiet as a church mouse, helplessly benched. :o

Finally, the opponent missed, allowing Keith to hit his first ball. You could hear a pin drop, the room was so quiet. Keith ran the remaining three balls on the table for the win. Returning to his chair, he looked over at his opponent and said, "Well, are you scared yet?" :p

The whole audience busted out laughing! :D

Timing is everything! ;)

JAM
 
I watched an opponent play a combo on the nine and rattle it leaving me the game and he yelled out, "Live by the sword; die by the sword!!"

Another time I won the coin toss and broke and ran the first rack on my opponent and the same guy was playing a match on the next table and he called it, "breaking and entering."
 
I was playing this guy one time, he was way out in front like 8 or 9 games in a race to 10. I get up and put 3 racks together to make it like 8-5, he looks at me and says "Hell.... you dont know when you're beat do ya?"
Chuck
 
Playing in the Open at the Sands in Reno, I must have thought I was somewhere else, because I was having a disastrous match. It was so bad that I was obviously bringing my opponent's game down a notch or two as well. After the dust settled, I shook his hand and apologized for the fact that he had to make all of the balls by himself.

Sometimes when I rattle a ball and leave it sitting in front of the pocket, I'll say, "Take that!", or "That'll teach ya".

Ken <-- still leaves way too many 'Plums'
 
After my father in law completed back to back break and run outs. I told him that was "a nice fat run" then my brother in law chimmed in with "yep fatter than Rosie O'Donnell" from that moment on a break and run has been refered to as a "Rosie".

With any luck I'm good for couple of "Rosie's" a night.
 
blind pig

I usually use "even a blind pig finds an acorn now and then" if I run two or more balls and one of them isn't all white or make a shot that indicates I may have seen green cloth sometime before.

A friend whose best days are long gone largely due to the loss of an eye placed very high in a world class event.(not pool) His explanation was great: "I had a flashback, thought it was 1984!" Jef owned everyone during the 1984 season setting a pace yet to be matched.

Hu
 
After choking on an easy run, either me or my opponent, I always like to say, "It's hard to shoot pool when you've got both hands wrapped around your throat!"
 
My go-to line after lucking a ball several rails into a different pocket than I was aiming at, or after almost scratching, but instead getting perfect position off both points of the side pocket, or any other such extremely fortuitous shot, is to casually turn to my opponent and matter-of-factly say "not a lot of people play that shot that way" and then continue with my next shot with a straight face. It's not incredibly original, but it usually gets a laugh.

-Andrew
 
During a bad night of shooting - "I can't find my a$$ with both hands in my back pockets!"

After getting a really good roll - "Can you wait a minute while I go buy a lottery ticket before my luck runs out?"
 
During a night out at the local bar, I was playing pretty poorly. As usual, some one was watching and decided that this was a good time to play for a drink. I could not make a ball.....so I said to the guy "I suck more than a hooker in Atlantic City at midnight." The guy busted out laughing.

Later, after winning (apparently there was too much blood in my alcohol stream causing me to stink), the guy looks at me with a funny look, and I responded by saying "Never said the hooker was cheap"

We continue to laugh about it to this day.
 
During League matches:

i've said-

"Wow, nice shot. You must have read my book" - usually after a 5+ rail slop shot

"Yea, thanks. I taught him how to do that" - when a player on an opposing team tells one of our 6's or 7's "nice run".

"That would have been my choice on how to shoot that too" - after a regular one or two rail slop shot.
 
"He's probably never been to Minnesota..." ~ Willie Mosconi on Minnesota Fats

"A three-cushion player doesn't need to be married. He already has enough aggravation." ~ Danny McGoorty

"You just ran nine racks but you won't give me a spot?"
"I can't; I haven't seen you shoot yet." ~ anonymous pool hall banter
 
" You Could'nt run out if I opened the Door "

" Dead like a Skunk in the middle of the road"

" The only time you had a Stroke we had to call the Paramedics "

" Don't let your Alligator mouth over load your tad pole A hole "
 
djkx1 said:
Halfway through the second 4 pack in a race to 11 a my opponent says to me "I'll make a professional racker outta you yet."

After the break in 8-ball, before choosing high or low ball, some guy says "What do you want to be when you lose?"
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Had given almost the same response when I won the 4th rack, "You better set an appointment ur chiropractor, cuz u gonna need a new back after racking the rest of the race!"
 
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