Best pool-related quotes/one-liners

Greeley Colorado...person to remain nameless...
"He may have won the tournament but before he leaves I'll have first and second place in my pocket."

Another one nameless too :)..."I see you brought your heavy hitters, you guys must be hungry since I see you're here for our lunch money" LOL

"I didn't play well, went one, two, barbeque." "Oh yeah, didn't know they were serving food at this thing."
 
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Some of my personal portfolio:

"Did you save the receipt on that cue because you may need to bring it back and get one that comes with an owners manual"

"There are 2 people in the world that could have made that shot .......and I am both of them"

"Hardest part of that shot was keeping a straight face" after sh!@ting in a 9

Hill-hill w/ my college roommate in the finals and I ask to borrow his break cue. Right before I break I stand up and look at him and say "How does it feel to know you are about to beat w/ your own cue" I ran out w/ his break cue and never gave it back to him. I still have the cue 17 years later and we still joke about it.
 
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pooln8r said:
Buffalo,NY Winter 1991 @ Touch of Class Billiards--- Tour of players came into the area for a visit. Johnny Archer, Earl Strickland, Buddy Hall, Nick Varner, Kim Davenport and another couple guys I didn't know at the time.

Earl Strickland as he walked by my table curtly said to me," What are you looking at, Wanna play some for cash."

Johnny Archer answered him with, "Why are you always trying to play the people we're putting on shows for money, leave the kids alone this time, and let's all play."

Earl's reply to that was the one liner I wanted to show the setup for as he said, "kid's got a meucci, he could at least play for that."

Before I could answer and I would have clearly said no thank you as I had only been playing for a few months altogether so to me gambling with him wasn't an option. Johnny Archer stepped in and got him back on track for what they were doing there in the first place and I definitely appreciated it.
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They came through here not that long ago and that sounds exactly like them. Johhny always being the smart one and earl being the brash. one. Gotta love JA at least his heads on right ;)
 
Their used to be this guy that used to play in the room I played out of back in the late 80's..........When he would draw his ball the length of the table, or spin his rock with extreme English, he would say with a carnival yell....

"How can I lose, with the JUICE I use"........



Peace
Todd
 
My absoluted favorite quote is by me talking to my friend "Suck it up and pay the man"

"The man" was an Oompa Loompa shooting with a candy cane. His posse was waiting for him outside, acting all cool leaning on their Wonkavator.
 
8-ball set in the late 90 s. match was hill/hill and the game was a *double or nothing* game after many hours. The one guy missed the 8-ball sitting in his chair just watching- the 8 ball was dead in the pocket- and the opponent 1 extremly easy stop shot to go to hit then the 8-ball. The guy missed the totally easy stop shot (about 1 feet from cb and 1 feet from pocket!). For sure he was already close to die at this moment.

Total silence in the room and my friend asked the guy: " Huh? i thought the ball wasn t that tough...., i really thought it was do-able".
I ll never forget the face from this poor guy- i m sure he was just thinkin about which way he would kill my friend :p

life is hard :)
 
Here's a classic !

When you playing cheap with a friend & he misses a fairly easy shot...You can quit stalling I'm not upping the bet !
 
I beat a good player with a loud mouth and a flash temper in a $10 9 ball tourney. When I went to shake his hand, he said " You no gamblin' f***, put up $500 and let's play some!"

I said, "Let me ask you something. Why would you want to pay $500 for a lesson I just gave to you for $10?"

Stones
 
Heard this one ...What does a pizza and a professional pool player have in common ?
Neither one of them can feed a family of four.
Sad to say ..looks like I'm hustlin for hamburgers.
 
a few I've posted before.....

Once when I cut a ball toward the corner pocket, it hit the rail well before, and because the speed was right, and they were bucket pockets, the ball dropped in....I said to my opponent, "Sheesh, I almost missed that .."......after which he said, you DID MISS it......"

Overheard when somebody was frustrated about not getting the other guy to gamble....."what you need is a HEART TRANSPLANT...."

Last but not least; after somebody dogs a shot....."Stevie Wonder could've made that shot..."
 
In New London Ct. at the Eastern States Nine-ball Championships. Bernie Muck, A middle range a player is in a twenty dollar, nine-ball, ring game with The Miz, Jim Rempe. Allen Hopkins,and Pete Margo. Bernie is getting pummled. Someone suggests he quit the ring game. He tells them, "I'm not broke, yet."
 
tom mcgonagle said:
In New London Ct. at the Eastern States Nine-ball Championships. Bernie Muck, A middle range a player is in a twenty dollar, nine-ball, ring game with The Miz, Jim Rempe. Allen Hopkins,and Pete Margo. Bernie is getting pummled. Someone suggests he quit the ring game. He tells them, "I'm not broke, yet."
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I'd feel the same way he did. I'd go off just for the experience of playing all those guys & shooting the sheeit for a while.

I like this:
"I learned to approach racing like a game of billiards. If you bash the ball too hard, you get nowhere. As you handle the cue properly, you drive with more finesse."
-Juan Manuel Fangio
 
Don Willis had some pretty good lines. See http://www.gcaba.com/willis.htm

Wanderone (or Tom Fox) had some good ones as well. See "The Bank Shot and Other Great Robberies."

And don't forget McGoorty: "A drunk Girl Scout could have made that shot if you held her up to the table."
 
Bob Jewett said:
Don Willis had some pretty good lines. See http://www.gcaba.com/willis.htm

Wanderone (or Tom Fox) had some good ones as well. See "The Bank Shot and Other Great Robberies."

And don't forget McGoorty: "A drunk Girl Scout could have made that shot if you held her up to the table."
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All three of your sources bring back good memories.

My favorite part of the McGoorty book is when he has to "rent a dad" to be able to get into the poolhall! :D
 
I am not sure why I laugh when I hear this..but it does make me laugh...

There is a guy that every once in a while when he misses a shot badly and the balls are still rolling around on the table will yell out...."Let it develope"
 
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