Girlfriend wants me to stop playing pool
- Thread starter JustinHayes
- Start date
Exactly. I'm trying to figure out why the guy wants to move in with a girl who has a kid if he intends to work all day and play pool 5-6 nights a week.
There isn't a chance in hell that relationship will work.
JustinHayes,
I have to agree with Neil. This is one of my favorite, maybe it will be helpful.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was
full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He
shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf
balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course,
the sand filled up the remaining space. He asked once more if the jar was full. The
students responded with an unanimous 'yes'.
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the
entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the space between the sand
particles. The students laughed.
Now, said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that
this jar represents your life. "
"The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health,
your friends, your favourite passions - things that if everything else were lost,
and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other
things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else
- the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the
pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and
energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are
important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Go out with friends. There
will always be time to clean the house and fix the washing. Take care of the golf
balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just
sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.The
professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how
full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
I have to agree with Neil. This is one of my favorite, maybe it will be helpful.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was
full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He
shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf
balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course,
the sand filled up the remaining space. He asked once more if the jar was full. The
students responded with an unanimous 'yes'.
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the
entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the space between the sand
particles. The students laughed.
Now, said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that
this jar represents your life. "
"The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health,
your friends, your favourite passions - things that if everything else were lost,
and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other
things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else
- the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the
pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and
energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are
important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Go out with friends. There
will always be time to clean the house and fix the washing. Take care of the golf
balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just
sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.The
professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how
full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
Compromise!
You have to give some. If you want her in your life and if you're serious about loving her then you have to DO something to take care of her emotional needs.
If she's reasonable and if she cares about you and really wants you to be happy she will not ask you to give up anything. But she may ask for you go give and take and you may reasonably ask the same of her. Maybe you play pool 3 nights a week. She may ask for you to give more to make her life and the life of her child better and if you love them you will move heaven and earth to improve the quality of their life.
Maybe you're like I was and didn't really know what love is. Love doesn't mean that you get a warm feeling when you think of someone or when you are with someone. Love is ACTION. Love is actually caring for them... using your money to provide for them... spending your life... your time.. with them and doing that because that's what you WANT to do. Giving of yourself is love. Love is ACTION. Love is giving up your new cue or new car so you can provide better things for them and you do that because you WANT to... because doing for them makes your life better. Love means giving. If it's not giving then it's not love. Is sounds like both of you are too immature to be able to make it work. You're both too worried about whether you get what you want and are both too unconcerned about whether the other is getting what they want and need to be happy. You both want to take and that ain't love. It's abuse.
If that's not what you WANT to do then get honest and tell her that you are not ready for that level of responsiblity and go back to pool for your good feelings.
Bottom line is you cannot have a great woman and be selfish and self-centered. Your thoughts have to be about what she needs not what you need. When you become other centered then you have matured and are ready for a real relationship.
I'm on my third marraige and it has lasted 26 years. The first one lasted 7 years and produced 2 daughters and I wasn't mature enough to be a decent father and husband. I learned the hard way... by my immaturity causing my beloved daughters to have to grow up in a broken home with a part time dad. If you're not ready, then slip out the back jack, make a new plan sam, drop off the key lee and set yourself (and her) free. (that song was popular during the courtship prior to my second marraige... which lasted less than a year.. and which proved to me that pleasureable as it was... Fantastic sex does not make for a lasting relationship either)
You have to give some. If you want her in your life and if you're serious about loving her then you have to DO something to take care of her emotional needs.
If she's reasonable and if she cares about you and really wants you to be happy she will not ask you to give up anything. But she may ask for you go give and take and you may reasonably ask the same of her. Maybe you play pool 3 nights a week. She may ask for you to give more to make her life and the life of her child better and if you love them you will move heaven and earth to improve the quality of their life.
Maybe you're like I was and didn't really know what love is. Love doesn't mean that you get a warm feeling when you think of someone or when you are with someone. Love is ACTION. Love is actually caring for them... using your money to provide for them... spending your life... your time.. with them and doing that because that's what you WANT to do. Giving of yourself is love. Love is ACTION. Love is giving up your new cue or new car so you can provide better things for them and you do that because you WANT to... because doing for them makes your life better. Love means giving. If it's not giving then it's not love. Is sounds like both of you are too immature to be able to make it work. You're both too worried about whether you get what you want and are both too unconcerned about whether the other is getting what they want and need to be happy. You both want to take and that ain't love. It's abuse.
If that's not what you WANT to do then get honest and tell her that you are not ready for that level of responsiblity and go back to pool for your good feelings.
Bottom line is you cannot have a great woman and be selfish and self-centered. Your thoughts have to be about what she needs not what you need. When you become other centered then you have matured and are ready for a real relationship.
I'm on my third marraige and it has lasted 26 years. The first one lasted 7 years and produced 2 daughters and I wasn't mature enough to be a decent father and husband. I learned the hard way... by my immaturity causing my beloved daughters to have to grow up in a broken home with a part time dad. If you're not ready, then slip out the back jack, make a new plan sam, drop off the key lee and set yourself (and her) free. (that song was popular during the courtship prior to my second marraige... which lasted less than a year.. and which proved to me that pleasureable as it was... Fantastic sex does not make for a lasting relationship either)
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Ahhh!! it would be great if a woman was like man's best friend. You go to the pool hall, your best friend eagerly wants to go. He lays beside the table for hours no complaining. Just happy to be there. When you are ready to go your companion gets up and waggs his tale just happy to spend the time near his buddy. All he wants is just a little attention and some food in his bowl.:grin:
Someone who truly cares about you would never ask you to stop doing something that you're passionate about and brings you joy... well, unless your passionate about smoking crack... then it's ok.
When I first started dating my wife....
When I first started dating my wife, I was playing pool about thirty to forty hours a week and I told her straight out that I would never give up playing.
That doesn't stop them from trying even when they agree to it. They'll try to stop your playing.
You pretty much just gotta put your foot down and say no I'm still playing.
Jaden
When I first started dating my wife, I was playing pool about thirty to forty hours a week and I told her straight out that I would never give up playing.
That doesn't stop them from trying even when they agree to it. They'll try to stop your playing.
You pretty much just gotta put your foot down and say no I'm still playing.
Jaden
I would suggest that you just quit playin now and be with her cause if you have only known her 3 months and are very much in love IMHO you just another stone cold idiot!
Leave her. there're so many women out there that it's crazy. it's obvious she's one of those chicks that thinks you're perfect, except for ......... she feels the need to change you. find yourself a chick that likes you for you.
you could cut down on the amount of time you play but i don't think you should.
kick this chick to the curb bro. i'll tell you what'll happen. she'll come running back to you and accept you for who you are. hell even if she doesn't you're better off. she might seem like the girl of your dreams but believe me a chick with a kid is no catch by any means! add that to her trying to change you and you've got the worst of it for sure!
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man, you have got to set her strait man, no kidding. the reason it has got even to this point is you're not laying shit down. we're men bro, you gotta act like one. and the ironic thing is, the thing you just have no idea about, is if you do this.... THEY WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT.
You go do your thing six nights a week.
she does her thing six nights a week.
(not the same six).
You will see the kid one night a week.
She will see the kid one night a week.
The kid will be brought up by the baby sitters.
You both will be broke paying for the baby sitters, booze, food, table, gambling losses, and whatever expenses she racks up in her favourite activities.
And you will never see her.
I know this would suit some long-time couples, but it is a hell of a way to start out. Where is the passion? Is yours only for pool?
she does her thing six nights a week.
(not the same six).
You will see the kid one night a week.
She will see the kid one night a week.
The kid will be brought up by the baby sitters.
You both will be broke paying for the baby sitters, booze, food, table, gambling losses, and whatever expenses she racks up in her favourite activities.
And you will never see her.
I know this would suit some long-time couples, but it is a hell of a way to start out. Where is the passion? Is yours only for pool?
I might be in the minority on my opinion but it is what it is. For the record, when I answer a post like this, I do it without reading any of the other posts.
You sound like you're serious so I will try to give you a "serious" reply.
My opinion is based upon a lifetime of playing semi-seriously, being married and balancing a business, family and faith. Strangely enough I find myself far more successful in business than the other two but I have a lot of experience that I am willing to share with you.
Playing pool can be an all-consuming pastime or career. For some, it is just a fun thing to do when free time is available, for others it is a mission.
It sounds like you have been bitten by the bug pretty severely. A severely bitten pool player can be hell to a mate who doesn't appreciate the sport like you do.
First off, if this lady is THE ONE, I suggest you drop pool like it never existed and INVEST in your future with a person who completes you.
If you are committed to a life of compulsive pool playing, you might want to consider stepping out of this lady's life. She has a child to raise and take care of and most pool players don't make a lot of money. She is probably looking for a soul mate to share HER life.
I've been lucky enough to share a life with a woman who was determined to stand by me in spite of my compulsive pool playing (which has been an incredible problem for my own marriage) and other traditional problems. There aren't many women like my wife......just trust me on that. Right now, I am lucky to just be in the dog house (after spending 9 days at the Derby City Classic) and will probably won't be getting out of the DH any time soon.
Pool is a demanding mistress and your other half unless she shares your passion for pool (this one doesn't) you will be hard pressed to "complete her". Your better half will have a hard time accepting 2nd place in your life.
Do a lot of careful soul-searching about what you want out of life.
THE ONE doesn't come along more than once or twice in a life time and it is a shame to miss out on that opportunity because of some selfish compulsion to play pool.
I've worked a lot harder than most pool playing people to get ahead and provide for my family. I'm not saying I'm the only one that has done the right thing for my family. I'm sure many others have done far better for their families than me. A lot of what I've done is selfish and is simply a way to satisfy the addiction I have for pool. It's caused a lot of problems for me and my wife.
Remember, you have a number of people who are counting on you to make the best decision for all. Make sure it is the right one.
JoeyA
You sound like you're serious so I will try to give you a "serious" reply.
My opinion is based upon a lifetime of playing semi-seriously, being married and balancing a business, family and faith. Strangely enough I find myself far more successful in business than the other two but I have a lot of experience that I am willing to share with you.
Playing pool can be an all-consuming pastime or career. For some, it is just a fun thing to do when free time is available, for others it is a mission.
It sounds like you have been bitten by the bug pretty severely. A severely bitten pool player can be hell to a mate who doesn't appreciate the sport like you do.
First off, if this lady is THE ONE, I suggest you drop pool like it never existed and INVEST in your future with a person who completes you.
If you are committed to a life of compulsive pool playing, you might want to consider stepping out of this lady's life. She has a child to raise and take care of and most pool players don't make a lot of money. She is probably looking for a soul mate to share HER life.
I've been lucky enough to share a life with a woman who was determined to stand by me in spite of my compulsive pool playing (which has been an incredible problem for my own marriage) and other traditional problems. There aren't many women like my wife......just trust me on that. Right now, I am lucky to just be in the dog house (after spending 9 days at the Derby City Classic) and will probably won't be getting out of the DH any time soon.
Pool is a demanding mistress and your other half unless she shares your passion for pool (this one doesn't) you will be hard pressed to "complete her". Your better half will have a hard time accepting 2nd place in your life.
Do a lot of careful soul-searching about what you want out of life.
THE ONE doesn't come along more than once or twice in a life time and it is a shame to miss out on that opportunity because of some selfish compulsion to play pool.
I've worked a lot harder than most pool playing people to get ahead and provide for my family. I'm not saying I'm the only one that has done the right thing for my family. I'm sure many others have done far better for their families than me. A lot of what I've done is selfish and is simply a way to satisfy the addiction I have for pool. It's caused a lot of problems for me and my wife.
Remember, you have a number of people who are counting on you to make the best decision for all. Make sure it is the right one.
JoeyA
Sure, this is ideal, but it never works out so perfectly in the real world.
I made that mistake once, IF pool is a part of "who you are" then you can't give it up.
You could try to reach a comprimise like playing Masters one night a week and playing in one tournament a week and perhaps 2 big events per year.
It doesn't sound like she's willing to compromise on this. If she demands you quit pool, quit her. You must be true to yourself. Hopefully you can reach a comprimise where both of you are comfortable with the agreement. Now that I've said this, I know neither you nor your lady so take what I've given as my opinion with a large grain of salt. Good luck.
You could try to reach a comprimise like playing Masters one night a week and playing in one tournament a week and perhaps 2 big events per year.
It doesn't sound like she's willing to compromise on this. If she demands you quit pool, quit her. You must be true to yourself. Hopefully you can reach a comprimise where both of you are comfortable with the agreement. Now that I've said this, I know neither you nor your lady so take what I've given as my opinion with a large grain of salt. Good luck.
I'd also like to add that pool and relationships also has a honey moon period. It's cute at first right? Your girl picks up on all the pool lingo and says,"Go run out he just dogged it for the cash" that's when you think it's all good and it will always be like that. he makes jokes with you that you can't draw your ball, hell even asks you what's the line on this guy. I know it makes me laugh................
Then it ends and reality sets in months down the road. The pool hall is never gonna be a place for anyone to enjoy the company of their significant other. Pool can be ugly at times, puts stress on a relationship. When you get in a zone guess what, you are not gonna pay attention to her. Can't carry your woman around like a cue case, they just aren't wired for that.
So like I said initially, you gotta ask yourself is the risk worth the reward. Yes for a lifer, the risk can be everything. You can lose your money, your job, your friends, your family, and everything else around you if you aren't careful. Next time you go to the pool hall, think about all the greats you know or heard of, see how they're doing in life. You'll quickly find out that minus a select few, pool will never be as good to you as you are to it.
Whether you stay with the girl or not, cut the 5-6 nights a week down to something recreational unless you feel you can reach world class status. Even then, don't quit your day job.
Then it ends and reality sets in months down the road. The pool hall is never gonna be a place for anyone to enjoy the company of their significant other. Pool can be ugly at times, puts stress on a relationship. When you get in a zone guess what, you are not gonna pay attention to her. Can't carry your woman around like a cue case, they just aren't wired for that.
So like I said initially, you gotta ask yourself is the risk worth the reward. Yes for a lifer, the risk can be everything. You can lose your money, your job, your friends, your family, and everything else around you if you aren't careful. Next time you go to the pool hall, think about all the greats you know or heard of, see how they're doing in life. You'll quickly find out that minus a select few, pool will never be as good to you as you are to it.
Whether you stay with the girl or not, cut the 5-6 nights a week down to something recreational unless you feel you can reach world class status. Even then, don't quit your day job.
Its all about choices..........
Oh, ya..... and BALANCE!!!!
Oh, ya..... and BALANCE!!!!
Mikeyfrosty..neil..jeff liv..gave some sound advice..
I do not...I do have a few questions though..
How many racks of nine can you run in a row?
What about eight ball?
Ten ball?
14.1...
One pocket..do you run out often..?
Do you place first often in weekly tournements?
I am not being rude hear..just something to think about..be honest with yourself about your game..how do you match up with the best players in town..how do they match up against the pro's..
I do not...I do have a few questions though..
How many racks of nine can you run in a row?
What about eight ball?
Ten ball?
14.1...
One pocket..do you run out often..?
Do you place first often in weekly tournements?
I am not being rude hear..just something to think about..be honest with yourself about your game..how do you match up with the best players in town..how do they match up against the pro's..
HUMMMMMMMmmmm
C ya.. My wife knows if she ever tried to tell me I had to sell my Bike I would sell her first. I had a bike when we met and she knows I will always have one. No matter what.
I bowl two nights a week and shoot pool as well sometimes I leave the bowling alley come home get my cues and go to the pool hall.
She comes to the bowling alley with me but not to the pool hall. (too much smoke) I work 3 days a week (Sat Sun Mon) so I bowl and shoot on my days off.
C ya.. My wife knows if she ever tried to tell me I had to sell my Bike I would sell her first. I had a bike when we met and she knows I will always have one. No matter what.
I bowl two nights a week and shoot pool as well sometimes I leave the bowling alley come home get my cues and go to the pool hall.
She comes to the bowling alley with me but not to the pool hall. (too much smoke) I work 3 days a week (Sat Sun Mon) so I bowl and shoot on my days off.