pool's greatest one liners & quotes

Here's a couple of funny ones:

A really good player from Dallas, who had made a few TV matches recently, was asked "how are you hittin em". His reply was " just watch ESPN if you want to know how I'm hittin em"

"Remember, trappers don't always wear fur hats" - Heard elsewhere, but originally attributed to Amarillo Slim.
 
crawfish said:
Tony Watson made a bet with Mike Cone (from Wilson) on "size." Tony told him he'd spot him two inches. I asked how it went. Mike replies, "I just paid the mother fu#$er. It looked like a baby holding an apple. Damn thing had a ribcage." I literally about fell outta my chair during a tournament.
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OMGWTF?!?!

no disrespect to shrimpboat and mike, but this has to be the gayest proposition bet i have ever heard of in my life; and no mention of a woman there to "judge" the events either . Oh, hell no!:shakehead:
 
Cannonball55 said:
OMGWTF?!?!

no disrepect to shrimpboat and mike, but this has to be the gayest proposition bet i have ever heard of in my life; and no mention of a woman there to "judge" the events either . Oh, hell no!:shakehead:
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The girl working behind the bar was the one that initiated the bet. Ho, I mean oh, she was involved.
 
> Cole Dixon,when asked for some insight to his brand of position play.

"I never miss anything no way,so what's the f**king difference?"

Jose Parica,who had just run 11 racks giving Morro the 7,when asked by Buddy which was harder to give up,the 7 or the 6.

"7 ball,6 ball,makes no difference,I run out every time."

Mike Sigel,after Jeff Carter called a foul on him for blowing dust off the 9 ball.

"What am I going to do,blow the ball over in front of the pocket?"

I heard a pretty funny line from Alex one time at DCC,kind of the same thing as the "ribcage" story about Tony Watson,but in reverse.

A friend heard him plain as day,in the middle of a drunken woofing contest with Shannon Daulton,and several others,say this.

"I'll tell ya what,you wanna bet on something? I'll bet any of you that I have the smallest d**k in the room,and can j**k off faster than anyone here,BET SOMETHING." :yikes:

We have a friend that we would have put in the box,all kidding aside. Tommy D.
 
iba7467 said:
"If I played as bad as you, I'd take two weeks off, then quit."

"The problem was there wasn't a pocket where you shot that ball"

Playing 8 ball and the other player has only one, "I hope you didn't expect to ever see that ball again."

Asked of me by a friend as I was playing a go-off"How is this guy beating you?" My response, "How much are we betting yet?"

My favorite when I hear it, "That is all the money I've got, but I'd like to play you some more."

"Playing that guy is like printing your own money."

"He's busted more people, usually his stakehorses, than the Great Depression." - Rep to the first person who guesses who this quote is about.
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The Boaz Bandit
 
gpeezy, you can just bump this thread a hundred times in a row i don't mind. I think bianca just winked at me .
 
Playing some of my best pool and some guy says, man he really has great control of that cueball, without a blink i turned and said ''yep i raised it from a marble...lol=))
 
I was playing Ginky once at Chelsea Billiards many years ago and he broke the balls and had a shot. His line whenever that happened was always "Dress Up Baby!". He proceeded to safe himself on the 3 ball and I said "All dressed up and nowhere to go."

I still get a kick out of that.
 
tigerseye said:
Playing some of my best pool and some guy says, man he really has great control of that cueball, without a blink i turned and said ''yep i raised it from a marble...lol=))
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I heard Massey say that a long time ago. He claims he made it up, I asked. I stole it either way. One of the all time best lines I agree.

One of my favorites is.

When someone misses and they claim "I hit it too good."
 
Louie was being asked for a spot by a good player in Chicago. His reply, "Spot? Spot went home!"

Keith eyes Jimmy Mataya sneaking it to watch him playing with Louie. "Don't worry Jimmy, I'm saving a place for you on my dance card!"

Marvin talking to Ronnie after he had just won the Stardust tourney. Marvin was more than a little hung over, quite normal for him. "Why you're the World Champion and I just rolled out of bed!"

Bernardo Chavez after getting bombed on a bar table in Vegas by a 60'ish Boston Shorty, "Who is this guy?" Shorty, after being told that he had just beaten King Kong, "I don't care what they call him. Are there any more like him around here?"

Fats and Cannonball were busy making a game at the Stardust. Cannonball informs Fats that he is indeed the famous Cannonball. Fats response, "Well they'll be calling you BB when I get through with you!"

Ronnie after being asked how good another player was, who he didn't like, "How does he play? He couldn't play dead!"
 
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U.J. Puckett, after missing a 3 ball playing Bob Dancer, rakes the rest of the balls off the table. Dancer, looks at him like he's an idiot. U.J. says, "If you can't get out from there you ain't gonna win no way."
 
iba7467 said:
"If I played as bad as you, I'd take two weeks off, then quit."

"The problem was there wasn't a pocket where you shot that ball"

Playing 8 ball and the other player has only one, "I hope you didn't expect to ever see that ball again."

Asked of me by a friend as I was playing a go-off"How is this guy beating you?" My response, "How much are we betting yet?"

My favorite when I hear it, "That is all the money I've got, but I'd like to play you some more."

"Playing that guy is like printing your own money."

"He's busted more people, usually his stakehorses, than the Great Depression." - Rep to the first person who guesses who this quote is about.
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Hey Iba, is itTedder?
 
Erman Bullard to Lil' John

"If you don't start playing better, they are gonna arrest me for child abuse."
 
This comment was overheard immediatey after Keith McCready made a brilliant three-rail bank shot into the corner pocket. It was phenomenal the way he finessed the ball to go three rails and then drop, but immediatey thereafter, the cueball proceeded to scratch into the side pocket, resulting in a foul.

"When I die, I want to come back as a cueball. That way, I can give everybody a bad roll." -- Keith McCready

:thumbup:

JAM
 
St.Louie Louie favorite quote.

Cannonball55 said:
Hi,

In my many years of misspent youth, graciously breathing in the smoke filled air of pool halls from state to state throughout the course of 20+ years . I have just about seen and heard it all .
So, I thought i'd start a light thread dedicated to those great one liners, quotes and funny stories that we've all heard at one time or another . Ya know, the sort of things that makes us pool players ( and pool playing impersonators ) special .

feel free to chime in .

Ronnie Allen : ( when asked for a spot after a run out exhibition that kept his opponent in the chair hopelessly ) what do you mean you need a spot? I've never seen you play.

Danny Jones ?: oh, is that your hole? well, take a good look at it now because you'll never see it again.

Louie Roberts : well, just give me another hundred and that way I'll only owe you a thousand.

Keith MCcready ?: The guy shoots straight up in the air, if he got any higher he'd be my backer.

Unknown : (nervously watching the balls roll ) Get outta my life 7ball, i want a divorce!

Strawberry Brooks : One Pocket is a an epidemic, and there ain't no cure!

Jimmy Mataya : Alright sports fans get your cameras ready, here's your chance to capture history.

Unknown : don't matter what you say, the balls never listen to you any how.

Gabby : maybe you should take up billiards, since you don't use the pockets.

Unknown : ( after watching the opponent miscue ) Chalk is free, but i will make you pay for not using it!

There are several more, but these are the ones that jumped out at me...:thumbup2:
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TAKE YOUR PLACES KIDS!!!!
 
S

jay helfert said:
That was a famous Amarillo Slim line.
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Slim and I are sweating a match in the bleachers at the Stardust (70's)
RA siddles up to Slim and opens up his "pre-bite" conversation. Slim say's
" I know where this is headed, let me save you the trouble, I'm tapped out"
Ronnie gives him a pained, insulted look and says "You think the only time I come to you is when I need money"? Slim, a man of few words simply said....."Yep". RA wanders off to seek greener pastures, and Slim leans over to me and says, " If that kid ever pays me back what he owes me, I would be able to retire...the NATIONAL DEBT"! Whereupon he walked over to Ronnie and slipped him a C-note.

Dick
 
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