Best One Liners and Action Openers

crawfish

crawfish

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
I once was approached by a fellow who had quite the arsenal of cues and asked me to play some "Just for funsies." It was Geese, if anyone remembers this character, and I ended up a $buck down at ten a game. Funsies. Gotta look back and laugh. I think he's dead now, maybe. This was over fifteen years ago and I'd love to have a shot at my $buck back.
 
The best come back I've ever heard was between local players (I'm keeping the names out of it to save them embarassment).

Player A is gambling with Player B in a pretty high profile setting (for them) and Player B is starting to crack under the heat.

As if with divine timing, Player A lucks a ball in at the perfect moment and Player B bursts out angrily "YOU'RE SO LUCKY!".

Player A calmly turned and said, "Yeah, lucky to be playing you!".

The house came down with that one.

I still chuckle about that one everytime I hear someone remark about how lucky someone else is.
 
My favorite is: "Know why you missed that shot?" Player usually answers with some 'normal' answer...bad stroke, not paying attention, etc. I answer: "Nope, you missed because there's NO pocket THERE!" (while pointing to the rail where his/her ball hit. Always gets a laugh! :D

Scott Lee
www.poolknowledge.com
 
crawfish said:
I once was approached by a fellow who had quite the arsenal of cues and asked me to play some "Just for funsies." It was Geese, if anyone remembers this character, and I ended up a $buck down at ten a game. Funsies. Gotta look back and laugh. I think he's dead now, maybe. This was over fifteen years ago and I'd love to have a shot at my $buck back.
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You'll have to meet him in the next life. The old Pool Hall in the sky.
 
Back in my younger days when I knew little about the game of pool other than pocketing balls, I was shooting by myself in a poolhall when a middle-aged man came up to me and started this conversation:
Stranger: Wanna play some?
Me: O.K., just not for money. (I knew about hustlin')
Stranger: How 'bout for drinks then?
Me: They serve FREE drinks in here???

We ended up playing for fun. Later, after he had whupped me pretty badly :o , I bought him a drink anyway.

I must have smelled like fish ;) .

Only this fish didn't bite (and my wallet thanked me for it :D :D :D )!!!

Maniac
 
Scott Lee said:
My favorite is: "Know why you missed that shot?" Player usually answers with some 'normal' answer...bad stroke, not paying attention, etc. I answer: "Nope, you missed because there's NO pocket THERE!" (while pointing to the rail where his/her ball hit. Always gets a laugh! :D

Scott Lee
www.poolknowledge.com
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I am gonna use that one later on today:D
 
"If it don't make money, it don't make sense (cents)"

This cracked me up the first, second & third time I heard it.
 
crawfish said:
I once was approached by a fellow who had quite the arsenal of cues and asked me to play some "Just for funsies." It was Geese, if anyone remembers this character, and I ended up a $buck down at ten a game. Funsies. Gotta look back and laugh. I think he's dead now, maybe. This was over fifteen years ago and I'd love to have a shot at my $buck back.
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One of my favorites over the years - When one of my regular customers came in, they usually ask "Whats going on". I tell them "We just had a tournament to see who gets to play you and I won".
 
I could think of these all day. Here's a good one from Tony Watson: "Air and opportunity, that's all that's between us." Also, I saw him playing a hundred a pop once, just running around the table screaming, "This S$%$ is too easy, just too easy!" (He was also up around 14 games.)
 
> There used to be a guy around here that wasn't much of a tournament player,but was successful because he really knew how to make games. I knew how good he was at talking people into playing,so I tried to find an angle to derail his negotiations if he ever asked me to play,as he was about 15% better at the time. We were in a now-nonexistant action spot,and I had won a couple hundred in another place earlier,but he knew about it. He came up to me,and in his usual style came up to me and asked "What do you wanna do?". My response was "Let's DANCE!",as I broke into THE RUNNING MAN. The whole room hit the floor like it was Def Comedy Jam,and he was embarrassed to the point he never asked me to play again. Tommy D.
 
Tommy-D said:
> There used to be a guy around here that wasn't much of a tournament player,but was successful because he really knew how to make games. I knew how good he was at talking people into playing,so I tried to find an angle to derail his negotiations if he ever asked me to play,as he was about 15% better at the time. We were in a now-nonexistant action spot,and I had won a couple hundred in another place earlier,but he knew about it. He came up to me,and in his usual style came up to me and asked "What do you wanna do?". My response was "Let's DANCE!",as I broke into THE RUNNING MAN. The whole room hit the floor like it was Def Comedy Jam,and he was embarrassed to the point he never asked me to play again. Tommy D.
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That's abso-fricken-lutely hilarious! :D :D :D

(I reserve the right to steal this line without credit at my discretion...)

Russ
 
pink skirt and high heels

This may be one where you had to be there, but about 5 years ago in Houston there were a lot of players in town for a tournament Jeremy Jones was putting on. There was a lot of barking and asking for spots. I heard this guy ask for a spot, maybe a big spot, and the other guy says, "OK, if you wear a pink dress and high heel shoes while we are playing!" I still think it's a great line to back someone off whose asking for too big a spot.
 
I'd go in a strange poolroom and ask the counterman loud enough for any players with in earshot to hear..."Do you think this tip is too dried out to play with...I haven't played in three years. Johnnyt
 
One player is complaining the spot in big enough, "But I can't win with the 8!"

The other player says, "Okay, I'll spot you the 8 and three whines on the wire!"

Stones
 
My favorite is Lassiter's classic. His opponent is lining up the four ball in a rack of nine ball and the layout is tricky, but Lassister concede's the rack, saying to this opponent "if you're not out here, you've got no chance to beat me anyway."
 
I was a playing a guy in a small tournament several years ago and when he missed a combo he came back with "I couldn't make a combo even if I worked at pizza hut!" I've always remembered that one :)
 
This really isnt a one liner but, there is an older guy in our poolroom that will go up to a "mark" and tell him, "hey that guy over there wants to play you some and I think you can beat him. I'll even go in halves with you". Ofcourse he is in with the other guy. Then after the "mark" has thought about it a while and decides to play, he looks around and the older guy is gone. So the "mark" usually thinks to himself...this is great I dont have to split it with him if he's gone.......And the "mark" gets taken for whatever amount. This usually works about 90% of the time. ;)

Southpaw
 
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