Best pool-related quotes/one-liners

Meyers ...

ironman said:
"i had to beg him to play and he robbed me."!

Floyd Meyers, "He couldn't run out if we opened every door in the building"!


Floyd Meyers,"He's so broke he ain't got bird seed for a koo koo clock"!

Floyd Meyers at 94 years old,"Some body play some, I'm gettin tired"!
Click to expand...


Thank you so much for mentioning Floyd.

My all time favorite from him was once he was sweatin' a match between 2 players on table 8 at the "old" Table Steaks on 19th and Sheridan and one of the players is left with the case 9 stuck to the end rail just a ball-width from the 1st diamond and the cue ball North of the side pocket wherein the bank is a bad idea and the safety was maybe worse (squared up just steeper than 90 degrees)...

The incoming player lights a new cigarette and proceeds to get down low on the shot and proceeds to take so many practice strokes that by the time he's ready to pull the trigger, the cigarette's cherry is nearly at the filter ... By this time Floyd has tried to stand up in his wheelchair to get a better view (ever so slightly).
The player finally pulls the trigger and makes the "spin-impossible-cut-shot" and Floyd nearly yells:

"That was stronger than horse-piss with the foam farted off !!!"

Floyd then turns to his friend who attempted to agree that it was a good shot, Floyd retorted:

"Not the shot, his ash didn't fall on the table ..."


Floyd was awesome for stuff like that, thanks for reminding me ironman.
 
Cute kids

This has nothing to do with woofing...playing....

I sold a Tim Padgett hustler (sneaky pete) cue to a local league kid recently.

His girlfriend liked the cue, and asked me, "Are you sellling him your stinky pete?"

I said, "What?" (I thought I heard her wrong)

"Your stinky pete cue. Are you selling him your stinky pete?"

"Yes I am" (she was so cute, I couldn't correct her)

He gave me his stinkin money, and we all lived happily ever after.

Cute kids.
 
When I was just beginning to play, I had plenty of money and liked to play with some of the better guys in the room for experience. One particular day in a ring game with two of them I made a shot and got position way WAY above my ability at the time. When they both looked at me incredulously, I said, "If you guys don't know that shot, you don't need to be in this game." They laughed their asses off and still bring that one back up occasionally, even though it was almost 7 years ago.
Others I hear around a lot:
"Hit it, Alice."
"Oh, no, that ball's not going."
"He didn't want it."
"He wasn't ready."
"It wasn't time."
"You didn't think that ball was going did you?"
"See what I got you, partner?"
After rattling a ball: "That's a mother-in-law shot. All lip."
And one I have to attribute to another member of AZ after a partners game we finished and he had lost and laid $11 bucks on the table. My partner walks up and says "whose money is this?" to which he replied. "Did you just win? Yeah? Well then that's a stupid f**king question!"
 
Playing tournament eight ball, my opponent, a real jerk of a guy, dogs his runout, hanging his last solid. I walk up to the table, look at the (8) wide open balls, and say:

"You're not going to make me shoot that, are you?"

After I ran them out, I looked at him and said:

"I can't believe you made me shoot that."

In front of a room full of people who also think he's a jerk, this was hilarious.

-s
 
Some of my favorites

Player says, "Say mister, that's a nice cue".
His opponent replys, "Thanks, unfortunately it didn't come with instructions".

On a really thin cut that misses entirely - "Just one more coat of paint on that ball and I woulda made it".

After an opponent misses and gives up an easy table - "Don't worry, the last time I ran out, the building was on fire".

Sucker asks, "Wow, how'd you make that shot?"
Hustler replys, "Listen, we're playing for 20 bucks a game. Lessons are extra."
 
after a dry break

after a weak or dry break, any version of "Dolly's in the house or dolly parton break" all bust and no balls

Mike
 
When you want to raise the bet cause your even or stuck you say to either the opposing player or the rail.

" this guy plays like GOD and bets like Mickey Mouse!"
 
When your opponent says "Hey nice shot really good speed control" you say..."Yeah it should listen to me I raised that cue ball up from a little marble"
 
"I have never really been beat. I just ran out of money a few times" ~ Scotty Townsend

Still one of the all time best pool quotes IMO.

Two of my others have been mentioned as well and they are both from Shane. The King Kong quote is timeless but every time I hear Shane say these four words I completely crack up:

"He can't beat me."

So many great ones out there.
 
DogLoop said:
Thank you so much for mentioning Floyd.

My all time favorite from him was once he was sweatin' a match between 2 players on table 8 at the "old" Table Steaks on 19th and Sheridan and one of the players is left with the case 9 stuck to the end rail just a ball-width from the 1st diamond and the cue ball North of the side pocket wherein the bank is a bad idea and the safety was maybe worse (squared up just steeper than 90 degrees)...

The incoming player lights a new cigarette and proceeds to get down low on the shot and proceeds to take so many practice strokes that by the time he's ready to pull the trigger, the cigarette's cherry is nearly at the filter ... By this time Floyd has tried to stand up in his wheelchair to get a better view (ever so slightly).
The player finally pulls the trigger and makes the "spin-impossible-cut-shot" and Floyd nearly yells:

"That was stronger than horse-piss with the foam farted off !!!"

Floyd then turns to his friend who attempted to agree that it was a good shot, Floyd retorted:

"Not the shot, his ash didn't fall on the table ..."


Floyd was awesome for stuff like that, thanks for reminding me ironman.
Click to expand...

Floyd was a beauty and I get a tear in my eye everytime I think of him. He may have loved 9 ball more than anyone who ever walked. Floyd was married 4 times and outlived them all.
One night I was playing Tony Angioni at the Fun Center. Floyd was in one of those straight back chairs and sweating it very hard. I ended with the cue ball frozen in the middle of the end rail and the 9 out in the middle of the table. I jacked up and let it whistle and it hit the back of the pocket on #9 and jumped out. Floyd jumped and fell out of his chair. He climbed to his feet and looked at the table and the 09 parked right in front of the pocket. He took a step closer and yelled out," Mother of God, that would knock Christ off the Cross"!
We saw he was okay and had to take a break we were all laughing so hard. I thought Terry was going to have a heart attack.
Old Floyd was one of a kind, may he rest in peace!!
 
After I screw a particularly easy layout, freezing myself behind the 10 with only it and the 9 left...

"Yup, that one's in my new book: HOW I HATE MY CASH"
 
JCIN said:
"I have never really been beat. I just ran out of money a few times" ~ Scotty Townsend

Still one of the all time best pool quotes IMO.

Two of my others have been mentioned as well and they are both from Shane. The King Kong quote is timeless but every time I hear Shane say these four words I completely crack up:

"He can't beat me."

So many great ones out there.
Click to expand...

Yep..Scotty's is my favorite also.

I did hear a guy tell a braggart "I played a man your speed once...
..I had so much fun bustin' him,I gave him his money back...
..and busted him again.

Idea for another video
Get Alex Pagulayan to tell his Michael Jackson meets Earl story.
I liked it as much as the Rogan thing
 
Then there's always that old saw from golf/tennis: Nice shot! Does your husband play?
 
I was in the Family Fun Center in Fort Collins, CO a few years back for a tournament with my friend Manual Gonzalez Jr. from Greeley. For anyone that doesn't know him, he's a Vietnam Vet with one playing arm and one leg who plays strong but is very humble about it all. He took one hell of a shot with some amazing draw from the opposite end of the table, nailed it and got amazing position on the 9 ball. As the fun center had a younger crowd a kid about 12 years old walks up to him holding his custom cue up and said, " Hey Mister can you make my cue do that!". Manual just smiled at him and proceeded to show this kid how to do what he did after explaining it wasn't the cue. A few days later he and I were playing in a local tourney and Manual hit a similarly beautiful shot. I walked up to him holding my cue up and asked him, "hey mister can you make my cue do that".....He once again smiled and got down to make his next shot and win his match.
 
I was in the Family Fun Center in Fort Collins, CO a few years back for a tournament with my friend Manual Gonzalez Jr. from Greeley. For anyone that doesn't know him, he's a Vietnam Vet with one playing arm and one leg who plays strong but is very humble about it all. He took one hell of a shot with some amazing draw from the opposite end of the table, nailed it and got amazing position on the 9 ball. As the fun center had a younger crowd a kid about 12 years old walks up to him holding his custom cue up and said, " Hey Mister can you make my cue do that!". Manual just smiled at him and proceeded to show this kid how to do what he did after explaining it wasn't the cue. A few days later he and I were playing in a local tourney and Manual hit a similarly beautiful shot. I walked up to him holding my cue up and asked him, "hey mister can you make my cue do that".....He once again smiled and got down to make his next shot and win his match.
 
Buffalo,NY Winter 1991 @ Touch of Class Billiards--- Tour of players came into the area for a visit. Johnny Archer, Earl Strickland, Buddy Hall, Nick Varner, Kim Davenport and another couple guys I didn't know at the time.

Earl Strickland as he walked by my table curtly said to me," What are you looking at, Wanna play some for cash."

Johnny Archer answered him with, "Why are you always trying to play the people we're putting on shows for money, leave the kids alone this time, and let's all play."

Earl's reply to that was the one liner I wanted to show the setup for as he said, "kid's got a meucci, he could at least play for that."

Before I could answer and I would have clearly said no thank you as I had only been playing for a few months altogether so to me gambling with him wasn't an option. Johnny Archer stepped in and got him back on track for what they were doing there in the first place and I definitely appreciated it.
 
Fort Collins, CO... Person to remain Nameless...." Why should I travel to play in your tournament, I don't need any lunch money?"
 
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