Best pool-related quotes/one-liners

Maybe not the funniest line but sorta interesting....In Atlanta in 2006 I saw Joyner spotting Harold McAbee a huge spot in 1p. Harold needs two, but Joyner's game ball in nearly in the jaws of Joyner pocket with the cueball all the way up table on Harolds side. Joyners backer was this real loudmouth big white guy who dressed like he was a pimp (as a clue this guy later went to jail for a while). Anyways the backer is woofing at Joyner to do something. And how if he wins hes taking Joyner to OutBlack. Or BlackLobster. Really obnoxious but Joyner seemed unfazed by this. So Smackmac comes with this fantastic shot where he puts max spin on the cueball and curves it at the ball and banks the ball in from a position where it didnt look really possible, nearly scratches in the side, goes three rails and ends up dead straight in, easy, on game ball.

Joyner looked right at his backer and says...How you like them apples sportsfans?

A funnier line that I heard was this guy named Cliff who was playing one hole for $. He comes with an incredible shot and a railbird shouts out, wow you hit that ball like your name is Cliff Joyner! the guy shoots his next shot terrible and says, Cliff Joyner? More like Cliff Wanna Smoke a Jointa!
 
"You couldn't run out of a wet paper bag."

"You can't make ball in the ocean. "

A guy at Q masters says this: "He shot me into Bolivia" (he means Oblivion but he always says Bolivia...CLASSIC
 
Scotty Townsend

Not real sure how it goes, but Scotty T. has a great one-liner that goes something like this:

"I've never been beat, but I have run outta chips a few times!".....Scotty T.


David Harcrow
 
When I hit a ball way too soft or miscue "I stepped on my tampon string"

When I completely miss a ball I'm shooting at "I don't know what kept it out"

From a TD after a match where I missed an 8 ball and left my opponent a really thin cut in a corner pocket that he missed completely, only to have the cue bounce back one rail to where he had shot it from, rebound off that rail and come back and cut the ball in perfectly, and leave him perfect shape on his last ball: "If I'd never seen pure luck win a game before, I have now"

My immediate reaction on the above shot, in between fits of laughter "That wouldn't have gone in on a Valley" (we were playing on a Diamond BB)

Johnny
 
One of those loud mouth, S*&* talking gamblers. We were playing 9-ball for $. He was making comments after every shot I made. I was the local so I had a few people standing around watching but I was pretty much keeping my mouth closed and winning a few sets. After about 3 sets of him talking and me remaining quiet, he made an absolutly terrible shot.

I stood up to get ready to shoot and he looked at me as if to wait for a smart "one liner." I said "that shot was so weak its not even worth talking about."

Everyone erupted in laughter.

I was laughing hard at Earls comment, "Kids got a Meucci, he can at least play for that..." I can totally hear it said with Earls voice and almost see his facial expression as he said it. One of my favorites.

Carl
 
Pool related quotes

1. I was a guest for a while at Fort Bragg NC in about 1970 and a really loud guy always said a similar quote someone else said earlier. "How can I lose with the stuff I use"! I don't think he meant English though.
2. George Rood used to say "he wouldn't bet there are fish in the ocean"
3. I watched a real good player playing people all night at different games, he beat everyone he played. 9 Ball 8 ball 1 pocket , I asked him what his best game was and he said "The Broads"
I shot my mouth full of pepsi through my nose.
 
ive got a few.

1) if my opponent slops in a shot ill say " yep, thats what ida done"
2) you cant give me a ball i wont take it
3) if i miss and the balls are still rollin ill just yell safe for fun.
4) if my opponent rattle a ball i yell " wasnt even close"
5) as far as the slow rolling skirt, alice, etc. i alwyas say " hey my girls got a tampon for you"
 
I'm a big guy a few years back I was playing cheap sets a the table by the

bar where seven or so guys were sitting. My opponent was on the hill I was

down 3 games I asked if he wanted to raise the bet adding a hot dog,coke

and a reese's. He says I'm on the hill sure. I then put a 3 pack on him and

the whole bar erupted in laughter. He said what are they laughing at?

I said "you broke the first rule of pool". His response "Oh yea whats the first rule of pool"?

The whole bar in unisone said...

"NEVER EVER PLAY A FAT MAN FOR FOOD"
 
after I miss an easy shot, I would say for laughs = Geez, now I can see that practice is paying off!
 
Scaramouche said:
Don't know if this has been posted

http://www.thebilliardstour.com/billiards-signs.html
Click to expand...

Two small corrections to that site:

I think the hot dog/whipped cream line is attributed to Fats, usually.

As far as I can tell, Einstein never said anything related to the number of different shots on a pool table, and if he had expressed an opinion, I'm certain his number would have been much, much larger.
 
A story told to me by Earl Herring . Mike Siegal came down with Buffalo Jerry to play Toby S , on his way to Nanuet he stopped in to get a little gas money . Siegal was 17 , Earl in his prime . They split sets I think the game was tougher than MS expected . In one rack Earl gets out of line on the nine , Earl cuts the ball 90 degrees up the rail grazes the rail and pockets the 9 . Expecting a tap tap or nice shot , Siegal just says " If your gonna bank it call it " .
 
An old guy, I used to play with in a BCA 8 ball league had one of the best lines I'd ever heard. He had just played a safety and completely hooked his opponent. His opponent comes to the table and calls some crazy 3 or 4 rail kick shot. Before he could shoot it, my friend drawled, "Kid, with an imagination like that, you should be working for Disney." We about died laughing.
 
Im sure one of the greatest one's of all time has already been said...
" even if you beat me, im still the best "
 
Maybe not pool related, but it was said in a pool room and I think it's funny...

A friend of mine in CA was 70+ years old and I always saw him with younger women, so I asked him about it. He said he lives by the 100 year rule: The combined ages of the two in bed can not be over 100 years, so the older he gets, the younger his girls get. :eek::grin:

Dave
 
Miss is a girls name
put a little hair around it
tight hole make for fun play
I beat him like a cheap whore
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top