Girlfriend wants me to stop playing pool

JustinHayes

JustinHayes

I'll need an Orange Crush
Silver Member
I'm sure this comes up a lot, but I would like some input...

(I know asking a bunch of poolplayers is going to give me biased advice)


I've casually banged balls around off and on for most of my teenage and adult life.. but about a year ago I had another girlfriend that played league pool and talked me into it. (that relationship didn't last long but my passion for pool went crazy)

... so, I've been playing league two nights a week, just started masters (apa), and I play at-least one cash tournament a week...., plus singles, scotch doubles, ... etc... I play pool about 5-6 days/nights a week. (I do suck though, but I'm getting better every day (I'm a SL6 now)

A little over 3-months ago, out of the blue, this older guy on my 9-ball team is sitting next to this pretty girl asks me if I'm single (answer=yes) and says that I have his permission to date his daughter (the girl). I look at her and start up a converstation.

We start dating and things are going extreamly well, she even joins the 9-ball team. (background = she has a 2-yr old daughter and the parents watch the daughter while we're out)

Fast forward.... things are still going awesome!! We see eachother everyday since we started dating....I love her...and we're talking about moving in together.

.... now, keep in mind that we met in a bar while I'm playing poo,l... she plays pool with me,.... I've been playing pool 5-6 nights a week this whole time......

She says that things are going to have to change when she moves in with me. She doesn't want me gone all the time and the daughter (who I adore) will need us there with her.... I can't play in league or tournaments anymore. (I'm captain of my 8-ball, 9-ball and masters team... so I have to let someone else take over these teams and stop).

I say, .... you knew I was passionate about pool when we started dating.. and now you want ME to change.

She says... NO, I don't want you to change, but I can't move in if I'm going to be left alone all the time while you're playing pool.... she thought it was just a hobby.

I say, well, I'll have to think about it.... that I love pool and it's more than a hobby (though I suck!).


So, the next night she says she talked to her mother and her mother said that the world doesn't revolve around what she wants ... and that she should let me have my life... (her mom likes me and is on my side)


Anyway, things have calmed down for the last few days but as we talk more about moving in together, this will come up again.!!

I love this girl very much and want to be a part of her (and her daughter's) life and make a family.


...... I just don't want to resent her for making me give up something that I am so passionate about. I seriously don't want to stop playing pool... in fact, if I had a chance, I would play every single day.

What do you think?
 
I would find a new girlfriend!!!! It will only get worse when you marry her!!!!!!

That is the best advice I can give unless you want to move in and give up your balls forever while being lead around like a dog on a leash!!!!

Gary<---------has no balls!!
 
If you were a pool player going into the relationship....reminds me of this:
 

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I met my wife in a pool hall/bar.

JustinHayes said:
I'm sure this comes up a lot, but I would like some input...

(I know asking a bunch of poolplayers is going to give me biased advice)


I've casually banged balls around off and on for most of my teenage and adult life.. but about a year ago I had another girlfriend that played league pool and talked me into it. (that relationship didn't last long but my passion for pool went crazy)

... so, I've been playing league two nights a week, just started masters (apa), and I play at-least one cash tournament a week...., plus singles, scotch doubles, ... etc... I play pool about 5-6 days/nights a week. (I do suck though, but I'm getting better every day (I'm a SL6 now)

A little over 3-months ago, out of the blue, this older guy on my 9-ball team is sitting next to this pretty girl asks me if I'm single (answer=yes) and says that I have his permission to date his daughter (the girl). I look at her and start up a converstation.

We start dating and things are going extreamly well, she even joins the 9-ball team. (background = she has a 2-yr old daughter and the parents watch the daughter while we're out)

Fast forward.... things are still going awesome!! We see eachother everyday since we started dating....I love her...and we're talking about moving in together.

.... now, keep in mind that we met in a bar while I'm playing poo,l... she plays pool with me,.... I've been playing pool 5-6 nights a week this whole time......

She says that things are going to have to change when she moves in with me. She doesn't want me gone all the time and the daughter (who I adore) will need us there with her.... I can't play in league or tournaments anymore. (I'm captain of my 8-ball, 9-ball and masters team... so I have to let someone else take over these teams and stop).

I say, .... you knew I was passionate about pool when we started dating.. and now you want ME to change.

She says... NO, I don't want you to change, but I can't move in if I'm going to be left alone all the time while you're playing pool.... she thought it was just a hobby.

I say, well, I'll have to think about it.... that I love pool and it's more than a hobby (though I suck!).


So, the next night she says she talked to her mother and her mother said that the world doesn't revolve around what she wants ... and that she should let me have my life... (her mom likes me and is on my side)


Anyway, things have calmed down for the last few days but as we talk more about moving in together, this will come up again.!!

I love this girl very much and want to be a part of her (and her daughter's) life and make a family.


...... I just don't want to resent her for making me give up something that I am so passionate about. I seriously don't want to stop playing pool... in fact, if I had a chance, I would play every single day.

What do you think?
Click to expand...

Long story short.
We met in the pool hall where I worked as a bartender, tournament director, bouncer and unpaid room manager. I dated for 2 years as I continued to work there.

I went to work for Chrysler in 96, we continued to play once a week.
In Dec 08 I took the buyout, plenty of free time. So I started playing everyday again. She got mad, and got a job? first one since 96.

I still play a couple times a week, of which is one time a week date with her and a tournament somewhere.

You might as well, learn from me and others. Love is great, but if your love of the game is STRONG and you play well. I would have to say stay with the Simonis.

If you go all in with her, you might as well plan on being lucky to play once a week. Or buy a bar table and put it in your garage? Good luck with that too.

Good luck with your choice. Remember, you can always play her once a week.
 
Be happy that you found this out before it got too deep, it's a different story if you want to make that change but don't change for her or the relationship. If you do you will regret it eventually and realize that first and foremost you have to honest with yourself, you like shooting pool a lot and won't be happy unless you get to.
 
Its only gonna get worse is she doesnt understand and if you marry her after she says its ok with the whole pool thing ill bet the farm she'll reneg on it!!!

Tough call and trust me when i say that everybody on here has had issues with this.

Find yourself a lady that enjoys pool. Best relationship ive ever been in and im lucky to have found her. Not to mention she knows her way around the table :eek:
 
I would find something she enjoys in her free time and tell her you want her to stop doing it and see what her response is.
 
I think it is unreasonalbe for her to ask you to give it up.

I'm sorry that you are in this situation, but she needs to repect you as much as you respect her.
 
The right one will not ask you to change who you are. On the other hand, you don't have to change who you are after you start/join a family. You just have to go out a lot less!

Before I got married I played pool about every day. After I got married I played pool 2 or 3 days a week. Now that I have a son I play pool 1 day a week (weekly tournament!), as well as every day during my lunch hour on crappy community center tables.

You will have to learn to balance pool and the rest of your life. I'm sure she will give you indicators if you're out too much.

BTW if she asks you to quit, I would be OUTTA there. My wife understands fully that pool is part of who I am. It's in my DNA :) If she gave me an ultimatum of never playing pool again or getting a divorce, I would draft up the papers myself. Luckily I know she would never do something like that... which is part of why I married her in the first place :D
 
I was in a similar situation. Dated this girl for about a year, and was playing pool the whole time (4-5 nights a week). We got engaged, I bought a condo for us and we moved in together. After a while it started.. "Why do you have to go out so much?" "Why can't you stay home with me?"

I understand nobody wants to be home alone all the time, so I cut down on my pool time to 1-2 nights a week. Pretty soon that wasn't enough either. I told her I enjoyed playing pool and I wasn't going to stop. Needless to say, we are no longer together. Now i'm not saying this was the only reason we split up, but it was one reason.

There are children involved in your case, which changes things a bit. If the two of you can't come to a compromise (less pool maybe?), then you are going to have to make a choice. What is important to you? It's a tricky situation. Good luck.
 
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Boy you guys are tough action!!!
So let me get this straight you want your cake and eat it too? Is that what I'm hearing?
Pool or anything...there must always be give and take. Your not doing this for a living your just an addict like the rest of us (not I anymore).

I promise you....at the end of this road....if you have pool to choose or a family that you love....no coin toss here...I take the family!

However that being said, in every relationship there is compromise.
If you or her are not ready to talk and agree it is FOR SURE not time to be moving in together. Frankly...its not fair to the little one.

In my humble opinion of course ;)
 
Family comes first. If you don't want the responsibilities of a family then you need to move on without her. 5 or 6 times a week playing pool is alot. If you can stand playing 2 nights of league and play one tournament every weekend and she can accept this then stay with her. If you need more than 3 nights a week playing pool and she can't accept that then you need to move on without her.

When you get into a relationship you have to whats best for the both of you and not just you and if you can't do that then you need to stay single.
 
Alright Mr. Hayes, may I call you Justin? Okay here’s what you do young buck. You stay on the fence until your fever goes down. This is the pool hall junkie fever that most of us go through. During this phase, pool is the equivalent of meeting the best looking girl you ever saw and your infatuated. You don’t care how you play as long as you can play. We’ve all been there and it’s nice. Eventually though reality will set in and pay attention because this is where it gets different for everyone.

One day you will wake up and not be so infatuated with the game. One of several things will happen. You will work twice as hard and it will begin to consume your life. You will still practice casually and play leagues/tournies, but you won’t really try to improve too rapidly, just consistent playing. You will get fed up with a lack of progress and decide you’ll shoot pool about as much as you go bowling. I could keep going but the point is one day you won’t be so smitten….

THAT’S the time you can answer this question about the woman. You have to figure out where she balances in to your general plans. If the girl/baby are that important to you, guess what you need to sacrifice to make it work. If you’d rather be out matching up and playing, then you need to let her go and be happy somewhere else. End of the day you can’t ask her to sacrifice if you won’t do the same. You can’t ask pool nuts about what they would do, ask them what they have done!

I think you’ll find this game takes you on a path that truly impacts your entire life. Choose wisely.

Me being me, I’d keep the girl and manage my time accordingly. Why do you have to play all night, why not go shoot from like 5-8 or something that works for both of yall. Theres always compromise.

If all else fails, see if her mom can hook you up with some strange!
 
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