marriage vs. pool smh

center pocket said:
So I have been married for 5 years now to my wife. I love her very much but she has never attempted to try and get involved with pool in anyway. If anything she always says it competes with my time for her. I am a man and i think all men have something they do as a hobby and enjoy throughout their lives, whatever it may be. Mine is pool, and man do I enjoy playing it.

Fast forward to today. Pool was conflicting with taking time from her because I have been playing alot lately. I feel I have jumped a ball in speed and have been practicing alot to ensure I can keep this speed. So we sat down and worked out a schedule last week to deconflict my two pool nights a week and her zumba and yoga classes that happen 5 days a week. I even moved my gambling night from Tuesdays to Mondays to accommodate. Now tonight is pool league, she immediately tries to make me feel like I am not a good husband if I don't stay home with her and give up league. I reference the schedule we made and she says it doesn't matter. This argument eventually ended with her saying "maybe I should have picked someone else."

I am so tired of this. I know many pool players and probably forum members on here have been divorced because of pool. I have thought of divorce for several years but I really love her to death. That being said I when I am not practicing or competing I am thinking about practicing or competing even when I am home with her. What is your guy's advice?
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i have lost lots of girls to pool, was worth it EVERYTIME bar none!!!!!!

The wrong girl is far far worse than no girl.

pool will always be there, girls come and go, finally about 13-14 years I found the right one, she dont sweat me at all, no matter what, I have left for weeks at a time, win or lose she is cool-dont sweat that either. hard to find the right girl but when you do your good. Jack Cooney has Barb they are going on 30? years together, she was right there 100% for him. Jack is lucky too.

conversations that end in "well maybe...." are a sure sign of troubled waters ahead. your heavily invested in pool and wife. Got to make a choice. I tell them all up front what to expect from me, my flaws and if they cant hang from day one then I didnt waste time. Took me a long time to learn that I was perhaps 30 before I learned that. went thru a pile of girls until I met one who said "thats cool" never a argument one time in almost 14 years. I got lucky....
 
Just have that controlling gal of yours read this thread. You have no kids and you're only 29, them's a game changer in this analysis. Unless of course, she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
 
center pocket said:
So I have been married for 5 years now to my wife. I love her very much but she has never attempted to try and get involved with pool in anyway. If anything she always says it competes with my time for her. I am a man and i think all men have something they do as a hobby and enjoy throughout their lives, whatever it may be. Mine is pool, and man do I enjoy playing it.

Fast forward to today. Pool was conflicting with taking time from her because I have been playing alot lately. I feel I have jumped a ball in speed and have been practicing alot to ensure I can keep this speed. So we sat down and worked out a schedule last week to deconflict my two pool nights a week and her zumba and yoga classes that happen 5 days a week. I even moved my gambling night from Tuesdays to Mondays to accommodate. Now tonight is pool league, she immediately tries to make me feel like I am not a good husband if I don't stay home with her and give up league. I reference the schedule we made and she says it doesn't matter. This argument eventually ended with her saying "maybe I should have picked someone else."

I am so tired of this. I know many pool players and probably forum members on here have been divorced because of pool. I have thought of divorce for several years but I really love her to death. That being said I when I am not practicing or competing I am thinking about practicing or competing even when I am home with her. What is your guy's advice?
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Never took time to read any replies, so this may have been said, but...

First of all how long did you date before marriage? Did you play pool this entire time? Were any ground rules made about your "pool time" prior to marriage?

If all of this has transpired after marriage, then she may have a legitimate gripe. However, if you have always been a player and maintained this same pool schedule since your introduction she has no right to impose this.

I dated my wife for 8 years. I played pool and poker the entire time I dated her. I gamble virtually everyday. She has known this for 8 years now. I married her because I love her and she deserved it for sticking with me by my side. Sure, there are times when she may make a slight remark like "wish you'd just stay home with me" or something, but never has she threatened me with anything, nor would she ever. I try to do special things with her and we always take at least one night a week we go to dinner or something. She enjoys pool to an extent, but will never have a passion for it like me. She accepts me for who I am.

This is similar to my view regarding weight gains in relationships. If you marry somebody 100 lbs overweight, and 3 years later you are complaining about it, then you are wrong. If you marry someone in good shape with a nice figure, and 3 years later they have gained 100 lbs barring medical conditions, then you have a right to complain. I'm sure this will get some heat, but I just think that this is how it goes. You make a commitment to be a sexual partner to one person, both parties should respect that and maintain there figure for their partner.

Here comes the lambasting from the female members!!
 
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Charlie Hustle said:
I used to have this mentality as well. Then my wife left one day when I was out of town, and filed for divorce. Ask yourself this, when its all said and done do you want to be the lonely guy in the pool hall who is there everyday with no wife or kids, or would you prefer to have a loving wife and children? I know the answer is real fvcking simple for me. Pool is just a game.
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I'll find another wife.. the point is she would never do that.. you had the wrong women. now do I let her at home while I sit at the bar every night to the sun comes up . no ..that would be disrespectful . I balance it. For example when I go on vacation i don't play. She even tells me to play when were at a bar but nope..I focus on enjoying our time together. life is about balance.
 
nobcitypool said:
Rest assured, the root cause problem is much deeper than your playing pool.
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Thats what many on here are failing to see. he tried to compromise but this is someone who wants control plain and simple. If you told me you were out 7 days a week all night and leaving her home alone with the kids thats a different situation. You have obligations that you need to balance with the other things you enjoy in life. If you want to live a life where you at the pool hall sun up to sun down then marriage isn't for you. This doesn't seem like that at all. If he liked sitting in his basement building plastic models that would upset her ....she wants him to do what she wants him to do. If thats how you want to live your life it's cool..to each his own. I prefer a relationship where I respect what my life loves to do and she the same.
 
If you say "I do" and her reply is "Not any more you don't" then it's time to fly before she gets knocked up and makes a simple solution complicated.

JC
 
Always remember.. there is scientific proof of a food that totally shuts down the part of the woman's brain that controls sexual urges....


Its called the wedding cake... :thumbup:

JV
 
This says it all...

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”


― Albert Einstein
 
There is a fork in the road ahead of you in your relationship. The sooner you get to that fork in the road, the better chance you have of getting past it. To many people think they are sparing their significant others feelings by not telling them how they really feel. I call BS on that. You can only keep so much inside before it finally all comes out. The problem is, the longer you wait, the more the frustration builds and the more love dies.
I just unloaded on my lady knowing full well there was a greater chance than not that what I was going to say would end our relationship. And it did for a couple days, until we cooled off and really looked at each others side. You'd be surprised how much you can get through if you communicate completely open and honestly with each other.

My initial response was cut bait and run and then I deleted it. You've been thinking about divorce and based on her choice comment, sounds like she has too. If you want to make it work, you need to have a come to Jesus talk and let it all out. It will be ugly, it will be angry, you will say things you can never take back, but if it's all honest and how you feel, either you two can make it work, or you can't and you'll have your answer.
 
If you really love her, there is one sure way to find out if playing pool is the problem. Go along with her for the remaining time you will be there, and you will get the answer. If you really love her, a couple of months is not asking for much, and it will keep you from always wondering if it was just pool, if things don't work out.
 
I am on wife no. 5. I don't play pool on Sundays. Wife said no pool on Sundays. I said ok. She told me one time that she new what she was getting when she married me. I play pool a lot. I liked being single and got married at 59 again for companionship mostly. I am retired now, and she is in a high stress job that keeps her real busy. I take life one day at a time, and we spend time together when we can. I try to help her around the house as much as I can. When she retires we will do a lot more together. I try to plan special events like going to concerts together for now. We also have gran kids that she likes to spend time with, all girls, oldest is 9. She also goes with me to the Derby every year now that its at the Horseshoe, and last year we were at Tunica. She likes to gamble, I get to watch the pool. Yea!

Here is the rest of the story. Two of the ex's said they wish we were still together. Sorry about their luck. I am glad we are not. The other 2 were even worse off last I heard, but I really don't care one way or the other. I spent years trying to do the right things, what everyone else wanted me to do and was miserable for the most part. Now at 63 I do what I want to do for the most part, one day at a time, and am probably happier than I've ever been. Anyway for anybody out there that's not happy. Its up to them to change it.
 
Thanks for everyone's inputs. I really liked all the different perspectives that were given. I asked this forum because this is a unique problem that I don't feel a regular counselor will understand. I new some of you on here would help me out. We are going to talk calmly today and I am going to try to be as honest as possible about my feelings and her feelings too.

Wish me luck.
 
center pocket said:
Thanks for everyone's inputs. I really liked all the different perspectives that were given. I asked this forum because this is a unique problem that I don't feel a regular counselor will understand. I new some of you on here would help me out. We are going to talk calmly today and I am going to try to be as honest as possible about my feelings and her feelings too.

Wish me luck.
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What @ letting her read this thread - when you feel she may be open to being open? You've been completely honest, I don't recall anything you said that a spouse shouldn't be able to absorb. And there's been the full gamut of heartfelt experience posted.

Best of luck,


Matt
 
Hope it turns out good for you, but my advice is do what's best for you to be happy. Life can be shorter than you think it will be. DON'T WASTE IT.
 
center pocket said:
So I have been married for 5 years now to my wife. I love her very much but she has never attempted to try and get involved with pool in anyway. If anything she always says it competes with my time for her. I am a man and i think all men have something they do as a hobby and enjoy throughout their lives, whatever it may be. Mine is pool, and man do I enjoy playing it.

Fast forward to today. Pool was conflicting with taking time from her because I have been playing alot lately. I feel I have jumped a ball in speed and have been practicing alot to ensure I can keep this speed. So we sat down and worked out a schedule last week to deconflict my two pool nights a week and her zumba and yoga classes that happen 5 days a week. I even moved my gambling night from Tuesdays to Mondays to accommodate. Now tonight is pool league, she immediately tries to make me feel like I am not a good husband if I don't stay home with her and give up league. I reference the schedule we made and she says it doesn't matter. This argument eventually ended with her saying "maybe I should have picked someone else."

I am so tired of this. I know many pool players and probably forum members on here have been divorced because of pool. I have thought of divorce for several years but I really love her to death. That being said I when I am not practicing or competing I am thinking about practicing or competing even when I am home with her. What is your guy's advice?
Click to expand...

When the LA riots hit back in 1992, I had to go the our office, which was right in the center of the riot area, to get some important documents that urgently needed to me mailed or it would have been a business disaster for us. It was day 2 of the rioting, LA was in flames. I armed myself and told my wife I was driving to the office. She insisted on going with me. I argued against the idea of her going with me. I said "what if I get attacked?", She said "exactly". She loaded up her pistol and we went together.

It was at that moment I realized how important I was to her. I still think of that when I'm balancing my needs against hers. I hope when you're balancing your needs with your wife's, she's this important to you.
 
41 and never been married

All I can say is that its SO much easier being single. I played pool all day today and had donuts for dinner. Fade that.
 
I'm not reading thru all these pages so if its already been said...here ya go. What's more important, pool or your wife? Don't be a candy ass and come in here complaining, be a man and make a choice. If you or her can't live with it or aren't willing to be 50/50 in the matter, leave. I'm willing to bet you just want to complain, you two might work something out short term, but you're going to he right back square one shortly and so nothing more than live with it. You two will bout be pissed, but at least your still married...miserable, but married.
 
classiccues said:
Women don't understand why men need to play pool, just like they don't understand how a man can go shopping for shoes and be done in 5 minutes.

JV
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You take a whole 5 minutes? That's ridiculous, they need to put you on a shop clock.
 
Happy Wife = Happy Life. (Some wives are just harder to please than others)

Somebody once said "Keeping a woman happy is the hardest job in the world" - there are some days when I *totally* agree with this...
 
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