Damn you, Serdula. You have tossed up a golden nugget.If playing pool makes your wife miserable quit. Don't look back.
And thank her. She may have more sense than any of us.
Nick
OH NO...Wife is Not Happy with Pool...Help!
- Thread starter BasementDweller
- Start date
I feel for you. I play a lot of golf for my profession and I travel quite a bit too. Fortunately, I have a table at my house so I do not need to go out and play pool. My wife gets a little upset when I golf sometimes, but she knows I am making money so it is okay. Kids definitely come first. I am thrilled my 6 year old is enjoying the game of pool so we can share the experience.
BasementDweller:
Some pretty good advice here...your situation struck me as very close to mine, so here's my take. DO NOT characterize your desire to go shoot pool as a desire for alone time! Women never understand any such desire to be away from her and/or the kids. Just doesn't compute with them. You have to have a serious conversation (and several more down the road) where you sell her on your desire to play pool in a scheduled, predictable manner, with a specific goal. You need to stress how enjoyable it is, how it's the only activity where you can totally clear your mind and recharge, etc. Pick a specific weekly/monthly tournament or a regional tour. Using that as the goal (all real men need some form of safe competition), then sell her on a reasonable schedule for practice/preparation (to include you time in the basement "ignoring" her and the kids). Reassure her that it's not about trying to relive some post adolescent period (you're much happier since you met her)...
In my case, I was actually introduced to my wife while in the middle of a money game with a high end custom cue in my hand (I remind her of this all the time). She gamely followed me around for the first three years of our marriage, sitting through long tournaments and matches...then our son was born and I went from solid A level player to simple Banger overnight and for the next 17 years...I went from 4-6 hours daily to twice a week to twice a month to once a month to three times per year, all over the next 17 years. My Army career hasn't helped, but it's allowed me the opportunity to casually play all over the World. Now that our son is about to graduate high school, I'm allowed out of the house twice a week for three-four hours each...the local room owner loves me and gives me a half price break on the table time, because he loves to play me (he's one of the top players in Cyprus) and he throws the top players on his teams up against me for seasoning. And that has nearly brought back my old speed.
I sat down with my wife and laid it out...we're back to D.C. for my final assignment in the Army (2 years) then mandatory retirement. I'll enter either the Planet Pool Tour (if it's still around) or the Action Pool tour for those two years, with some weekly scheduled practice opportunities to get into/stay in tournament shape. Then after I retire from the Army, I'll try a major open just because I always wanted to...if I can do better than simply two and out I'll consider it a lifetime achievement. She met me when I was a known pool player and knows how much I miss it...once I reassured her I wasn't looking for an opportunity to spend time away from her, she chilled out...plus nearly finishing the job of raising the boy has helped, too.
OBTW, I got my son into playing, so I get an extra night every other week or so just taking him out!
Some pretty good advice here...your situation struck me as very close to mine, so here's my take. DO NOT characterize your desire to go shoot pool as a desire for alone time! Women never understand any such desire to be away from her and/or the kids. Just doesn't compute with them. You have to have a serious conversation (and several more down the road) where you sell her on your desire to play pool in a scheduled, predictable manner, with a specific goal. You need to stress how enjoyable it is, how it's the only activity where you can totally clear your mind and recharge, etc. Pick a specific weekly/monthly tournament or a regional tour. Using that as the goal (all real men need some form of safe competition), then sell her on a reasonable schedule for practice/preparation (to include you time in the basement "ignoring" her and the kids). Reassure her that it's not about trying to relive some post adolescent period (you're much happier since you met her)...
In my case, I was actually introduced to my wife while in the middle of a money game with a high end custom cue in my hand (I remind her of this all the time). She gamely followed me around for the first three years of our marriage, sitting through long tournaments and matches...then our son was born and I went from solid A level player to simple Banger overnight and for the next 17 years...I went from 4-6 hours daily to twice a week to twice a month to once a month to three times per year, all over the next 17 years. My Army career hasn't helped, but it's allowed me the opportunity to casually play all over the World. Now that our son is about to graduate high school, I'm allowed out of the house twice a week for three-four hours each...the local room owner loves me and gives me a half price break on the table time, because he loves to play me (he's one of the top players in Cyprus) and he throws the top players on his teams up against me for seasoning. And that has nearly brought back my old speed.
I sat down with my wife and laid it out...we're back to D.C. for my final assignment in the Army (2 years) then mandatory retirement. I'll enter either the Planet Pool Tour (if it's still around) or the Action Pool tour for those two years, with some weekly scheduled practice opportunities to get into/stay in tournament shape. Then after I retire from the Army, I'll try a major open just because I always wanted to...if I can do better than simply two and out I'll consider it a lifetime achievement. She met me when I was a known pool player and knows how much I miss it...once I reassured her I wasn't looking for an opportunity to spend time away from her, she chilled out...plus nearly finishing the job of raising the boy has helped, too.
OBTW, I got my son into playing, so I get an extra night every other week or so just taking him out!
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before my wife and i got married i was into softball and she said she was ok with it.
once we got married it was a different story. she always complained about it. i tried to always include her and the kids in my outings. stop and get pizza, picnic in the park nearby, go to amusement parks or whatever when we played out of town in tournaments.
nothing satisfied her. one day she said it was either her or softball. i chose her and quit completley.
i5 years later she left anyway.
go figure that one.
Basementdweller
Best years of my life was with my kids as teenagers. Yes, they are off doing their own stuff but they are old enough to do stuff I liked as well. Ski trips to Utah. Beach vacations. Hunting, fishing, hiking, wilderness camping. All great memories.
For you the best is yet to come. Enjoy!
Best years of my life was with my kids as teenagers. Yes, they are off doing their own stuff but they are old enough to do stuff I liked as well. Ski trips to Utah. Beach vacations. Hunting, fishing, hiking, wilderness camping. All great memories.
For you the best is yet to come. Enjoy!
kybill9
Banned
wife
My wife is always welcome to go with me to play pool anytime she wants. She never wants too. She is glad for me to play pool anytime. She knows pool is my vice, my only vice. It's not another woman. I don't come home drunk or on drugs, I'm not being a criminal. She's not jealous of my time and I'm not jealous of hers. That is how it has worked for us.:wink:
My wife is always welcome to go with me to play pool anytime she wants. She never wants too. She is glad for me to play pool anytime. She knows pool is my vice, my only vice. It's not another woman. I don't come home drunk or on drugs, I'm not being a criminal. She's not jealous of my time and I'm not jealous of hers. That is how it has worked for us.:wink:
I have same circumstances. I only go out one night a week, but I do import 2 matches to me at home. When I am not playing I do try to make our time special. cook dinner's, do dishes, help out. It eases the hassles. Pool is more than just my hobbie. It is my relaxsation and often my sanity. I think my wife knows this. I am thankfull.:wink:
I am leaving for Reno the day before our 11th annivercery.
I am leaving for Reno the day before our 11th annivercery.
Teach her
I played Pool before I knew my wife. Once we got married and had kids, she needed to get out once in a while. We'd hire a sitter, go out for dinner then play pool. At first we had to play straight Pool my 50 balls to her 5. As she improved, we started playing 8 ball. That was over 30 years ago and were still Married, and still play.
We play in leagues together, and still go out for dinner and play on weekends. she is a very good player now, and we really enjoy plaing together. I found that once she was getting some time away from the kids just the two of us, I got a lot less flack playing without her.
Maybe it's you getiing time away from her and the kids while she's stuck at home thats the problem/
Here we go....
I picked the BasementDweller name for a reason. I basically just play at home when I can find a few minutes here and there. But lately, I've been trying to sneak out and hit a local tournament, or try to find some local action.
Well, I got hit with the "you're playing too much pool" today. I got the call after a package from Seyberts was delivered. That paired with all the talk about me getting a new table, I think put her over the edge.
I've been married for 11 years now and I have 3 kids (ages 7, 6, & 19 months) so it's a bit tough to just take off and go play pool. By tough, I mean if I want to stay married (which of course I do). Pool is the only hobby I have but I think the wife would rather I didn't play at all
I know there have been several threads about this on here in the past but I think it's time for a review. How do you guys handle this?
I played Pool before I knew my wife. Once we got married and had kids, she needed to get out once in a while. We'd hire a sitter, go out for dinner then play pool. At first we had to play straight Pool my 50 balls to her 5. As she improved, we started playing 8 ball. That was over 30 years ago and were still Married, and still play.
We play in leagues together, and still go out for dinner and play on weekends. she is a very good player now, and we really enjoy plaing together. I found that once she was getting some time away from the kids just the two of us, I got a lot less flack playing without her.
Maybe it's you getiing time away from her and the kids while she's stuck at home thats the problem/
In a relationship, its good to have at least one hobby or common interest that you share. I'm lucky that in mine, my wife and I play pool together.
She doesn't love it like me but she does indulge me in my few pleasures that I have.
Its also important to have a social life away from your wife and family.
Same goes with your wife.
Maybe your wife feels abandoned when you leave her sight for one night out with the boys. What I do know is that it is selfish of her not to indulge you in one pastime away.
People need this in any relationship.
Sit down with your wife and communicate. If she can't understand that, then put your foot down.
Tell her its going to happen whether she likes it or not, preferably with her blessing, but it will happen.
Live life to the fullest, you never know when its time for you to close your eyes for the last time on earth. No regrets.
PS - I got my wife a satellite dish and a 42" LG flat screen. Shes a happy camper too. I have watched but maybe 10 minutes of tv on it. I'm always on here hangin with the boys. That is, when I'm not out shooting pool 4 nights a week.
She doesn't love it like me but she does indulge me in my few pleasures that I have.
Its also important to have a social life away from your wife and family.
Same goes with your wife.
Maybe your wife feels abandoned when you leave her sight for one night out with the boys. What I do know is that it is selfish of her not to indulge you in one pastime away.
People need this in any relationship.
Sit down with your wife and communicate. If she can't understand that, then put your foot down.
Tell her its going to happen whether she likes it or not, preferably with her blessing, but it will happen.
Live life to the fullest, you never know when its time for you to close your eyes for the last time on earth. No regrets.
PS - I got my wife a satellite dish and a 42" LG flat screen. Shes a happy camper too. I have watched but maybe 10 minutes of tv on it. I'm always on here hangin with the boys. That is, when I'm not out shooting pool 4 nights a week.
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Without getting into the particulars of my life, I will only say that what I'm about to say comes from my own first hand experience.
Anyone can watch a kid for an evening. Anyone can watch a kid for 2 evenings and a day. Anyone can watch a kid for 5 days .... But ... go try and watch a kid from birth to 19 months, every day, every night for 19 months.
Now, try to do that after raising two other kids ... What? Did I hear you say you help? Please see paragraph # 2.
You cannot empathize with the deep exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, crazed nonsensical emotions your wife is going through as she relentlessly takes care of these kids unless you experience it first hand. Oh sure, we help now and then but it's too little too late to make any difference.
I thought much differently after doing just that for 5 yrs straight.
After seeing and feeling what it was like, I don't know why more mothers don't commit suicide from loosing their minds, forget about vocalizing their displeasure with your playing pool.
I have a whole new appreciation for mothers.
Just forget the pool if family is truly coming first, and take the kids off her hands daily and regularly. This isn't the time in your life to play pool. That will come again later.
Anyone can watch a kid for an evening. Anyone can watch a kid for 2 evenings and a day. Anyone can watch a kid for 5 days .... But ... go try and watch a kid from birth to 19 months, every day, every night for 19 months.
Now, try to do that after raising two other kids ... What? Did I hear you say you help? Please see paragraph # 2.
You cannot empathize with the deep exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, crazed nonsensical emotions your wife is going through as she relentlessly takes care of these kids unless you experience it first hand. Oh sure, we help now and then but it's too little too late to make any difference.
I thought much differently after doing just that for 5 yrs straight.
After seeing and feeling what it was like, I don't know why more mothers don't commit suicide from loosing their minds, forget about vocalizing their displeasure with your playing pool.
I have a whole new appreciation for mothers.
Just forget the pool if family is truly coming first, and take the kids off her hands daily and regularly. This isn't the time in your life to play pool. That will come again later.
This is SO true...BasementDweller, the military has taken us away from our families far too much...once the kids are grown and gone the opportunities are over. I don't know a single man that doesn't regret not taking at least one more camping/fishing trip with the kids. Always keep that in mind. In the end, you always wish you had more quality time with them. A healthy dose of perspective is a good thing!
Well see, that's different...
My wife has given me the "pool has got to go" speech a couple of times, but our story is different.
When we started dating, I was playing pool 6-10 hours a day. I said right up front once we started talking about marriage that you have to know that I will never give up pool again (I had previously given it up for like 6 years).
So whenever she brings the speech, up I say you agreed to this before you agreed to our vows, in fact, I should've added to our vows, "I promise to always accept your playing of pool".
Now, if pool ever truly came in the way of my relationship between either me and my wife or me and my daughter, I would either change the way I do it or give it up in a heartbeat; however, I have told my wife to never give me the ultimatum, because choosing pool in an ultimatum is not about choosing a game over family, it's about an unwillingness to even attempt to compromise, that NO good relationship should ever have.
Jaden
Lots of good advice here and some bad. I'm definitely not leaving my wife and abandoning my kids over a game. If you are actually one of those guys that did that, I feel sorry for you.
I think this is just a minor speed bump and we will work it out. I will let you guys know how it turns out. I have been encouraging my wife to spend some more time on things she is interested in and I'm sure that's part of the solution.
In fairness to her, my story goes like this:
I loved pool very much but it was ruining my life so I completely quit after playing for a couple of years when I was around 22. The next day I joined the Air Force. The day after that I met her. I've always thought it may have been God's way of rewarding me for making a couple of tough decisions. Anyways, now I'm setting here at 36 years old and I've been playing steady again for a couple of years. So, pool wasn't really part of the deal when we got married.
I'll keep you posted
My wife has given me the "pool has got to go" speech a couple of times, but our story is different.
When we started dating, I was playing pool 6-10 hours a day. I said right up front once we started talking about marriage that you have to know that I will never give up pool again (I had previously given it up for like 6 years).
So whenever she brings the speech, up I say you agreed to this before you agreed to our vows, in fact, I should've added to our vows, "I promise to always accept your playing of pool".
Now, if pool ever truly came in the way of my relationship between either me and my wife or me and my daughter, I would either change the way I do it or give it up in a heartbeat; however, I have told my wife to never give me the ultimatum, because choosing pool in an ultimatum is not about choosing a game over family, it's about an unwillingness to even attempt to compromise, that NO good relationship should ever have.
Jaden
What a *****
pool might not be the problem
you might want to take a step back to analyze your relationship. i don't believe in people compromising for who they are, or what they do. makes for grouchy old couples in the long run. together out of obligation rather than love.
if i feel obligated to do something with the family, i'll do it. the last thing i need is someone to guilt me into feeling obligated. it doesn't make my time spent with my loved ones sincere.
this year i golfed 160+ rounds from may until mid oct, this includes a three week vacation when i only played four times. i play pool four times a week 3-5hrs per day in the fall winter when i cant golf. barely drink, never go clubbing. all this and a full time job.
the time i'm golfing i cherish every moment. when i come home happy that i just finished golfing, it makes me cherish the time with my family even more, with a sincere desire to be with them that they recognize and can see in my face. not out of obligation, or guilt.
micro managing people doesn't work in business, why expect it to work in a relationship where even more emotions are involved.
i admit i got a good woman at home, we don't have anything in common except for our love, respect and admiration for eachother as individuals, the same reason why we liked eachother when we first met. seems to be enough for us though, even in this day and age.
you might want to take a step back to analyze your relationship. i don't believe in people compromising for who they are, or what they do. makes for grouchy old couples in the long run. together out of obligation rather than love.
if i feel obligated to do something with the family, i'll do it. the last thing i need is someone to guilt me into feeling obligated. it doesn't make my time spent with my loved ones sincere.
this year i golfed 160+ rounds from may until mid oct, this includes a three week vacation when i only played four times. i play pool four times a week 3-5hrs per day in the fall winter when i cant golf. barely drink, never go clubbing. all this and a full time job.
the time i'm golfing i cherish every moment. when i come home happy that i just finished golfing, it makes me cherish the time with my family even more, with a sincere desire to be with them that they recognize and can see in my face. not out of obligation, or guilt.
micro managing people doesn't work in business, why expect it to work in a relationship where even more emotions are involved.
i admit i got a good woman at home, we don't have anything in common except for our love, respect and admiration for eachother as individuals, the same reason why we liked eachother when we first met. seems to be enough for us though, even in this day and age.
I have an ace in the hole ... my wife has a horse which consumes as much of her time as pool does mine and SIGNIFICANTLY more money
That said, she doesn't like it when I go out and play. Except for league nights, I wait until after the kids go to bed. Just joined another league and the compromise was that I would typically only play in one or the other each week, not both
That said, she doesn't like it when I go out and play. Except for league nights, I wait until after the kids go to bed. Just joined another league and the compromise was that I would typically only play in one or the other each week, not both
Pool and wifey.
Everything in life is more important than pool. Follow your heart. Now for the single guys reading this post. Only date lady pool players. They must share your passion. Perfect example would be Miss AKA TRIGGER. Good looking and more passion than most men for the game. Someone will hit the lottery with that gal. Only problem with her would be beating her. She plays really well and studies the game. Nobody's perfect. I wonder what's wrong with the Trigger? Everybody has skeletons in the closet. I bet she, no, she would never. Maybe she has one of those uh, no probably not. I bet she does something weird. Yep, that's it. Whatever it is, I could adjust!
Here we go....
I picked the BasementDweller name for a reason. I basically just play at home when I can find a few minutes here and there. But lately, I've been trying to sneak out and hit a local tournament, or try to find some local action.
Well, I got hit with the "you're playing too much pool" today. I got the call after a package from Seyberts was delivered. That paired with all the talk about me getting a new table, I think put her over the edge.
I've been married for 11 years now and I have 3 kids (ages 7, 6, & 19 months) so it's a bit tough to just take off and go play pool. By tough, I mean if I want to stay married (which of course I do). Pool is the only hobby I have but I think the wife would rather I didn't play at all
I know there have been several threads about this on here in the past but I think it's time for a review. How do you guys handle this?
Everything in life is more important than pool. Follow your heart. Now for the single guys reading this post. Only date lady pool players. They must share your passion. Perfect example would be Miss AKA TRIGGER. Good looking and more passion than most men for the game. Someone will hit the lottery with that gal. Only problem with her would be beating her. She plays really well and studies the game. Nobody's perfect. I wonder what's wrong with the Trigger? Everybody has skeletons in the closet. I bet she, no, she would never. Maybe she has one of those uh, no probably not. I bet she does something weird. Yep, that's it. Whatever it is, I could adjust!
divorce is not the answer.
teach your wife how to play pool. let her will a couple of time. when she got interested in playing pool, you've got game. :thumbup:
get your children to start playing pool.
i bought a cue for my daughter. she is 2 years old. just to let my wife know that my daughter is as important as me playing pool.
teach your wife how to play pool. let her will a couple of time. when she got interested in playing pool, you've got game. :thumbup:
get your children to start playing pool.
i bought a cue for my daughter. she is 2 years old. just to let my wife know that my daughter is as important as me playing pool.