OH NO...Wife is Not Happy with Pool...Help!
- Thread starter BasementDweller
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First MISTAKE. Don't ever marry you MOTHER.
I"m a grown man, and don't need to ask anyones permission to play pool, softball or go to a poker game, buy a cue, go grab a beer with a buddy... Just the way it was when I met her and has not changed. And I don't take kindly to "orders"....
I told her I'm not going to marry my MOTHER and I"m hoping she didn't want to marry a boy either. I find it ridiculous that someone even has to ask permission. The only thing I do is check the calander of my son's events cause I don't wanna miss those for pool or softball or poker.
If I wanna go to Vegas, the only thing I ask is can she find me the cheapest flight. And she has the exact same option. She wants to go out with the girls, then she can go anytime.... she knows what days I play pool and softball
At 50 I'm slowing down and only play pool once a week now. But, I still don't miss my son's events ever but it is my choice cause I enjoy it more
Life is way too short my friend.....
I"m a grown man, and don't need to ask anyones permission to play pool, softball or go to a poker game, buy a cue, go grab a beer with a buddy... Just the way it was when I met her and has not changed. And I don't take kindly to "orders"....
I told her I'm not going to marry my MOTHER and I"m hoping she didn't want to marry a boy either. I find it ridiculous that someone even has to ask permission. The only thing I do is check the calander of my son's events cause I don't wanna miss those for pool or softball or poker.
If I wanna go to Vegas, the only thing I ask is can she find me the cheapest flight. And she has the exact same option. She wants to go out with the girls, then she can go anytime.... she knows what days I play pool and softball
At 50 I'm slowing down and only play pool once a week now. But, I still don't miss my son's events ever but it is my choice cause I enjoy it more
Life is way too short my friend.....
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It's like with the guy whose wife left even after he gave up softball...
A lot of the times, they just are trying to vent, if you're a pushover, they'll lose respect for you and there's not much chance that it can be regained.
You have to listen, make it clear that you're listening and then make a small compromise, if they're not willing to compromise at all, then there are bigger issues than you playing pool or any sport for that matter.
It's not the pool, it's something else then and you have to communicate to find out what that thing is...
Jaden
First MISTAKE. Don't ever marry you MOTHER.
I"m a grown man, and don't need to ask anyones permission to play pool, softball or go to a poker game, buy a cue, go grab a beer with a buddy... Just the way it was when I met her and has not changed. And I don't take kindly to "orders"....
I told her I'm not going to marry my MOTHER and I"m hoping she didn't want to marry a boy either. I find it ridiculous that someone even has to ask permission. The only thing I do is check the calander of my son's events cause I don't wanna miss those for pool or softball or poker.
If I wanna go to Vegas, the only thing I ask is can she find me the cheapest flight. And she has the exact same option. She wants to go out with the girls, then she can go anytime.... she knows what days I play pool and softball
At 50 I'm slowing down and only play pool once a week now. But, I still don't miss my son's events ever but it is my choice cause I enjoy it more
Life is way too short my friend.....
A lot of the times, they just are trying to vent, if you're a pushover, they'll lose respect for you and there's not much chance that it can be regained.
You have to listen, make it clear that you're listening and then make a small compromise, if they're not willing to compromise at all, then there are bigger issues than you playing pool or any sport for that matter.
It's not the pool, it's something else then and you have to communicate to find out what that thing is...
Jaden
Based on all these comments I've concluded (if you love your wife and wish to remain with her):
1. You should leave pool for a while.
2. Wait till your children can take care of themselves (when they're teenagers in high school or college students)
3. Pick up pool again.
Your children are still young and your wife takes care of them. It looks bad when you're not there when she's doing things for them around the house you know.
You also have it easy since you have a table in your house. You should teach your kids to play and you could play with them!
1. You should leave pool for a while.
2. Wait till your children can take care of themselves (when they're teenagers in high school or college students)
3. Pick up pool again.
Your children are still young and your wife takes care of them. It looks bad when you're not there when she's doing things for them around the house you know.
You also have it easy since you have a table in your house. You should teach your kids to play and you could play with them!
Children can be such a precious gift. I have a 28 year old daughter and a 16 year old daughter. I walk past Chucky Cheese or a kiddieland playground and sometimes it brings tears to my eye. They were so sweet and innocent. I have have flash backs and remember everything we did, even if they only vaguely recall it. Barney and Baby Bop aren't 9 ball but I'm sure glad I was there suffering through it. Those years will never be again and I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I wasn't a part of it.
I gave up golfing for my youngest daughter when she was an infant. I was going overboard with golf, obsessed like guys can get. My wife mentioned something about it to me. I realized that I was gone a lot and she needed help. Once I quit, I also realized I had burnt myself out on golf.
So I guess I can thank my wife for all the time I spent with my daughter. That's just one thing I can thank her for - there are a lot more.
What is pool? It's just something to do now that my girls don't need me as much.
I gave up golfing for my youngest daughter when she was an infant. I was going overboard with golf, obsessed like guys can get. My wife mentioned something about it to me. I realized that I was gone a lot and she needed help. Once I quit, I also realized I had burnt myself out on golf.
So I guess I can thank my wife for all the time I spent with my daughter. That's just one thing I can thank her for - there are a lot more.
What is pool? It's just something to do now that my girls don't need me as much.
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Three young kids, she probably gets tired of being stuck at home with the kids.
Take her and the kids out and do stuff with them or better yet offer to stay home once in a while and give her a night out with her friends. Then she might be more understanding once in a while when you want a night out.
Take her and the kids out and do stuff with them or better yet offer to stay home once in a while and give her a night out with her friends. Then she might be more understanding once in a while when you want a night out.
20 years of experience in the matter, still happily married to a great woman, she still hates pool, still playing...ONCE A WEEK ONLY.
Went thru some very difficult times over this matter thru the years.
Advice...play league or tourney once a week and NO MORE. stay off table at home - dedicate time at home to HER. Stay consistent in day and time every week, never miss a week unless necessary so she gets used to it. She comes to expect it. Starts to look forward to that night to herself. Dont spring any tourneys on her. offer to quit but let her know that pool fills a void in your life but you're willing to leave it because she means more than pool. Quit for a season if necessary to prove it. don't buy new table, show her that you are giving. I gave up Vegas tourneys 10 yrs ago. Never been back :-(
Your wife thinks pool is more important than her. She will probably want you to continue, just show her that you are willing to put her first.
Try dedicating a night to HER...very important...say, every Tuesday is movie night, and every thurs is pool night. Stick with it.
If she cares about you, she won't want you to be miserable...
She is scared that your slipping further and further away from her and kids into pool...she may be afraid that it will get out of control. Having a scheduled day for pool and setting expectation lessens this fear, putting her in control by offering to quit further lessens her fear.she has to feel like its her idea for you to continue. Her choosing. Let her know that you understand what she's taking on by letting you continue. She really is taking on a lot after all.
3 kids, ages 6, 13 and 14
...and kids are used to me playing pool every week on that certain night.
I'd quit for my family, wife knows that, fortunately she wants me happy.
Bottom line...it's about respect...respect her and hopefully she'll respect you. Faith, family, marriage, career and health NEED to supersede our selfish craving to play our best pool ever. ....I still love the game of pool but you won't see me on tour anytime soon, LOL
Went thru some very difficult times over this matter thru the years.
Advice...play league or tourney once a week and NO MORE. stay off table at home - dedicate time at home to HER. Stay consistent in day and time every week, never miss a week unless necessary so she gets used to it. She comes to expect it. Starts to look forward to that night to herself. Dont spring any tourneys on her. offer to quit but let her know that pool fills a void in your life but you're willing to leave it because she means more than pool. Quit for a season if necessary to prove it. don't buy new table, show her that you are giving. I gave up Vegas tourneys 10 yrs ago. Never been back :-(
Your wife thinks pool is more important than her. She will probably want you to continue, just show her that you are willing to put her first.
Try dedicating a night to HER...very important...say, every Tuesday is movie night, and every thurs is pool night. Stick with it.
If she cares about you, she won't want you to be miserable...
She is scared that your slipping further and further away from her and kids into pool...she may be afraid that it will get out of control. Having a scheduled day for pool and setting expectation lessens this fear, putting her in control by offering to quit further lessens her fear.she has to feel like its her idea for you to continue. Her choosing. Let her know that you understand what she's taking on by letting you continue. She really is taking on a lot after all.
3 kids, ages 6, 13 and 14
...and kids are used to me playing pool every week on that certain night.
I'd quit for my family, wife knows that, fortunately she wants me happy.
Bottom line...it's about respect...respect her and hopefully she'll respect you. Faith, family, marriage, career and health NEED to supersede our selfish craving to play our best pool ever. ....I still love the game of pool but you won't see me on tour anytime soon, LOL
I reject the idea that you can't be a family man and play pool. I actually think just the opposite and I think the game should be marketed as such.
I'm as tired of all the comparisons to golf as the next guy, but with golf I really don't see how anybody can pursue that as a hobby and not be away from their family for a very significant amount of time. Pool doesn't have to be that way. You buy yourself a table and you can practice at home -- which is what I do. Most of my practice time occurs after the kiddos are in bed at night. Then you go out a couple of times a month to keep your edge. The competition fuels the desire to practice.
My situation isn't even about the going out and competing. My wife doesn't have a problem with that. It's more the practice time at home and I really can't argue with her. I've been in a bit of a frenzy lately. This doesn't mean that I have neglected my responsibilities as a husband and father -- so don't worry about that guys
I'll sort out my practice schedule and everything will be fine.
Thanks for all the good advice.
I'm as tired of all the comparisons to golf as the next guy, but with golf I really don't see how anybody can pursue that as a hobby and not be away from their family for a very significant amount of time. Pool doesn't have to be that way. You buy yourself a table and you can practice at home -- which is what I do. Most of my practice time occurs after the kiddos are in bed at night. Then you go out a couple of times a month to keep your edge. The competition fuels the desire to practice.
My situation isn't even about the going out and competing. My wife doesn't have a problem with that. It's more the practice time at home and I really can't argue with her. I've been in a bit of a frenzy lately. This doesn't mean that I have neglected my responsibilities as a husband and father -- so don't worry about that guys
I'll sort out my practice schedule and everything will be fine.
Thanks for all the good advice.
Lots of good advice here and some bad. I'm definitely not leaving my wife and abandoning my kids over a game. If you are actually one of those guys that did that, I feel sorry for you.
I think this is just a minor speed bump and we will work it out. I will let you guys know how it turns out. I have been encouraging my wife to spend some more time on things she is interested in and I'm sure that's part of the solution.
In fairness to her, my story goes like this:
I loved pool very much but it was ruining my life so I completely quit after playing for a couple of years when I was around 22. The next day I joined the Air Force. The day after that I met her. I've always thought it may have been God's way of rewarding me for making a couple of tough decisions. Anyways, now I'm setting here at 36 years old and I've been playing steady again for a couple of years. So, pool wasn't really part of the deal when we got married.
I'll keep you posted
From a woman's perspective.....I think it would do you some good to find out the underlying reason why she is complaining about your playing pool. She's obviously afraid of something. Find out what it is. Most of the time it takes more than just a superficial conversation to get to the root of it.
For example, if i were your wife and you told me that pool was once ruining your life --- and then you started playing again, I'd be afraid that you might be going down that path again.
But even if you didn't tell her that, you should make sure you understand why she is unhappy about your playing. You may not know yet even though you think you do. You may help her to realize something and you may realize something yourself.
Crickets fellows. What now?
Here we go....
I picked the BasementDweller name for a reason. I basically just play at home when I can find a few minutes here and there. But lately, I've been trying to sneak out and hit a local tournament, or try to find some local action.
Well, I got hit with the "you're playing too much pool" today. I got the call after a package from Seyberts was delivered. That paired with all the talk about me getting a new table, I think put her over the edge.
I've been married for 11 years now and I have 3 kids (ages 7, 6, & 19 months) so it's a bit tough to just take off and go play pool. By tough, I mean if I want to stay married (which of course I do). Pool is the only hobby I have but I think the wife would rather I didn't play at all
I know there have been several threads about this on here in the past but I think it's time for a review. How do you guys handle this?
right after i read your dilemma,
i jumped in the truck to run to post office
and this was playing on the radio
do what it takes to make her happy :thumbup:
sean morey, "the man song"
2 minute vid
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7Y0I91rubg
Fran's advice is excellent. Nobody can deduce from your post what your wife is thinking. It's something that you and her need to work out together.
Speaking generally, I don't buy into the SWMBO thing. Husbands aren't any less deserving of fulfillment than wives are - and, no, indulging his wife shouldn't be his only fulfillment. I would understand if my wife didn't like me jetting off to Las Vegas a few times a year for tournaments. But if her objection was about my every moment being either affirmation or abandonment, I'd consider the relationship over. Again, I'm not talking about the OP's situation, but my own thoughts in these kinds of situations.
Speaking generally, I don't buy into the SWMBO thing. Husbands aren't any less deserving of fulfillment than wives are - and, no, indulging his wife shouldn't be his only fulfillment. I would understand if my wife didn't like me jetting off to Las Vegas a few times a year for tournaments. But if her objection was about my every moment being either affirmation or abandonment, I'd consider the relationship over. Again, I'm not talking about the OP's situation, but my own thoughts in these kinds of situations.
I would tell her that you have the pool table at home so you can be with her and the kids instead of out at a pool hall. Get her and the kids a cue and see if they like it too. Encourage her to play on it.
Id also come up with how much time you want to spend out at tournaments and make sure she is getting equal time to get out and have away time from you and the kids. Compromise and show her that you have taken your family's well being into account.
If this doesn't work, your going to have to get a divorce.
Id also come up with how much time you want to spend out at tournaments and make sure she is getting equal time to get out and have away time from you and the kids. Compromise and show her that you have taken your family's well being into account.
If this doesn't work, your going to have to get a divorce.
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Nice try but I wouldn't consider this a success story until she buys you a new cue with her own money.
if anyone has youngsters at home and your at the pool hall more then twice a week, you deserve to be stressed out by the wife often! if your there only twice a month and she gets upset about it, then my friend its not about pool and you must find out what really is making her unhappy.
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